Friday Humor
Little Red Riding Hood was skipping thru the forest on her way to Grandma's house. While she was skipping along she spied the Big Bad Wolf crouched behind a log. She said, "Ah, Big Bad Wolf, what big eyes you have." With that the Big Bad Wolf jumped up and ran away in the woods. Continuing on her way, Little Red Riding Hood spied the Big Bad Wolf a few moments later hiding behind a bush. She said, "Ah, Big Bad Wolf, what big ears you have." The Big Bad Wolf jumped up again and ran off into the woods. About ten minutes later, Little Red Riding Hood saw the Big Bad Wolf yet again! This time he was crouched behind a big rock. She said, "Big Bad Wolf, what big teeth you have!"With this, the Big Bad Wolf stood up and yelled, "Listen bitch! Can I get some privacy? I am trying to take a shit!" AND Grandpa and Grandma were visiting their kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said I don'tthink you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill answered the son. I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill." The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."
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Still Here
We admitted Meenie to a psychiatric hospital yesterday. The doctors want to run a ton of tests and play with her medication a little. She still says she wants to hurt herself and that she wants to die. They think she may have borderline personality disorder (gee ya think?). It's sad to say but there's a small part of me that's relieved to have her in the hospital just to get a break from the chaos she brings to the family.
Thank all of you for the sweet comments.
It means a lot to me, more than any of you may ever know.
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Meenie
I am taking my daughter to the hospital this evening for a psychiatric evaluation. I received a call this afternoon from her councilor at school to inform me that Meenie is suicidal, she has a plan and may need to be admitted to a hospital. Please send good thoughts.
Meenie is a 2 months shy of 16. She's also mildly retarded. Enough that she knows what she can't do and that she's different but not enough to prevent her from having a life or learning the things she needs to know. She also has chronic depression that, I suspect, is a symptom of her anxiety disorder. Plus she's a cutter. She is an amazing girl and can push my buttons faster that any other person on the planet.
This isn't the first time we've done this. She was in a hospital about a year ago for the same thing. I don't think she wants to die but I'm afraid she'll hurt her self badly enough that she will die.
To those I owe email and the sort, I'll be back soon.
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Friday Humor
A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few puffs. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the shore, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while trying to get a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"The Monkey looks down and says "Fuuuck! Dude!.......How much water'd you drink?!!"
AND
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."
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For Hotspur
Where do you expect to be seven years from now? (In any or all life aspects.)
What do you wish you had more time in your daily life to do.
If you were to run for a political office what would your slogan and platform be?
What are your prejudices?
You've been given the chance to view the last 10 minutes of your life. Will you watch and why / why not?
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For Pirate
1.What is the best thing you've done as a parent? (Besides giving them life) What is the biggest mistake?
2. Name the fictional character you identify with the most and explain why.
3. You've been granted a super power that will only last for 24 hours. What is it and what will you do with it in that time.
4. If your life had a soundtrack what songs would be on it and what parts of you life would each represent.
5. If you could give each of your children any one thing, what would it be
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The Blog-A-Thon Continues
My Blog-A-Thon questions from Theresa
1. Your Fairy Love Goddess graces you with a magical swat on the rump with the Little Red Riding Crop. You find yourself on the set of a TV sitcom loosely based on your life. What's it called and what's it all about? (how's it doing in the ratings?)
Thank you Fairy Love Goddess!
First of all, I think any sitcom based on my life would have to be on either HBO or Showtime. The networks would never be allowed to run some of the details. I'll call it "A Tale of Two Lives" On the surface our lead is an ultra-cool mom raising three teens and living with her slightly clueless husband. She works in a church and looks like any other thirty something woman. Cooking, cleaning, shopping the usual average mom routine. Then we have the rest of her life in which she is a bisexual wanna-be submissive who shares another couple with her not so clueless husband. She spends a lot of time in her head having thoughts that would shock most of the people around her, so the whole show would be filled with her interior monologues as she goes through her day. Of course, then there's the sex. Imagine the scene...She's at her desk working on the upcoming Sunday bulletin, looking professional and sweet, while in her mind she thinks about the night before with her lovers.
I think it would do well in the rating.
2. You have the opportunity to meet one person, living or dead, for the purpose of telling him/her off. Who do you want to give a piece of your mind to? What would you say to him/her?
I'd love to be able to tell off my father. I don't and never will because I know it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to him. He'd never understand the years of anger I hold toward him. If I thought he could give me an answer though I'd like to know why he spent so much of my childhood expecting me to be an adult when I wasn't ready. Why he felt it necessary to beat me until I lost conscience and body function. What was so offensive about my personality that when I was 16 he drunkenly decided to announce that it was time for "that bitch" to move the fuck out!
3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? (why?) Would your partner choose the same thing? If not, what would he change about you? (why?)
Hmmm, what would I change. I think I'd like to be more motivated. There are things I want to do, see and learn but some times I just drift through life getting by on the minimums. I get distracted too easily or fall in to the depression. I think he would want me to be less emotional and moody. Different angles of the same root cause.
4.You are offered a risk-free miracle drug. The drug has no negative side effects. Once a woman takes the drug she will have perfect hair, nails and make-up for the rest of her life. She will age gracefully and will always look like she just stepped out of the finest salon. The catch? Your hairstyle, nail color, and the way you wear your make-up cannot change once you take the drug. Would you take it? (explain)
I really had to think about this one and I changed my mind three times before I decided I wouldn't take the drug. The only real catch for me was aging gracefully. I know deep down that's one of my fears. I can live with getting older if I end up being one of those ladies that looks timeless and classic into their 70 and 80. I suspect having seen the other women in my family that is not going to be the case.
I didn't want the drug because I know how much my personal style has evolved over my life and that I would be miserable in about a week when I was tired of looking the same. I mean really...I change my make-up and nails every day some times. The thought of spending the rest of my life with pink or red nails...ick.
5.Describe what's on tonight's dinner menu if food is you and your personality.
Maryland Blue Crabs - I am a true Cancer girl after all. Hot and spicy (gotta have the Old Bay) on the out side with a hard protective shell holding in all of the sweet juicy goodness. The insides are solid but very tender and a little flaky at parts.
Blog-A-Thon Instructions:
Here’s how it works:
Leave a comment saying "interview me" if you’d like to be interviewed.
I’ll respond by asking you 5 questions here. They’ll be different than those above.
Update your blog with your answers to the questions.
When you do so, include this same explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same manner.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you’ll ask them five new questions.
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Friday Humor
One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
AND
Biologists at the University of Florida have discovered a new species of lizard which has been attacking sunbathers at and near Miami's South Beach. It is believed to primarily attack women, though it has been known to attack effeminate-appearing men. Only one known photograph has been taken of this creature, which is included here for your benefit... 
They are calling it the Penisaurus
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Question....
How do you ask your dentist when it's safe to have oral sex again?
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"The best thing about pain is it lets you know you're not dead yet."
I'm apparently not dead.
Had two teeth pulled on Thursday. The dentist discovered 3/4 of the way through that I still had an abscess. It's been 5 days of pain and sickness while it's draining slowly. I get chills then I sweat. It's passed in to my sinuses so now I have a infection there as well. I'm on my second series of antibiotic, hopefully this will kill it off.
Ouch.
On a cheerier note!!!
Congratulations to Blazngfyre and WTF on the birth of their son. Go read WTF's tale of Blaze's blatent womanness. His girl is SO the shit, yo!
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Friday Humor
Why does a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
A Prostitute can clean her crack and sell it again!
I know... I'm a sick, sick woman and it gets worse.
An elderly woman moves into a nursing home. Her daughter helps her unpack and get settled in. After a few days, the woman notices a male resident who sits out on the porch every day, all by himself. She decides to go over and talk to him.She asks if she can sit with him awhile. He looks at her for a second and says, "Yeah, you can, but only if you'll hold my dick."
At first she's horrified and outraged. But then she thinks, "He's lonely, I'm lonely..." Finally, she agrees. She gets a blanket to put over their laps and she sits next to him every day, holding his dick.
After a few weeks, her daughter comes to take her mother for a weekend visit. When the woman returns to the nursing home, the first thing she sees is the man on the porch next to another elderly woman. They have a blanket across their laps. The first woman knows what the second woman is doing. She storms up the steps and starts yelling at the man.
"What does SHE have that I don't have?!" she screams.
The man just smiles and says, "Parkinson's."
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This Week I Have Learned...
That I can be made to squirt when I cum.
That I can be made to beg to stop cumming.
That a hand around my throat makes me cum harder.
The words "Bitch" and "My Slut" whispered in my ear can make certain parts clench.
That there are things I will beg for the privilege of doing.
That I like feeling very feminine all the time.
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Insert Clever Title Here
What a week.....
I have 4 abscessed teeth. Yup that's right they all went at once. I'm on penicillin and enough painkillers to knock out a small zoo. They start pulling Tuesday and I may need a root canal. Oh joy. I have given birth to three children, two "natural" and an emergency C-section. This pain is soooo much worse. I'd pop out 4 or 5 more if some one would promise me I'd never have to experience pain like this again.
The drugs are good though.
On an even more personal note, Ron and I are working some things out. Last week I found out he had read some emails that he was never intended to see. He started asking questions about my sexuality and about what it means when I say I am submissive. So for the first time in a long time I got very honest with him. He was more receptive this time then he ever was before and seems to understand that there's more to me than wanting an occasional smack on the ass during sex. I am hopeful.
We are scheduled to close on the mortgage refinance today. A lower interest rate and better terms YEE HAW!
Hope every one had a good Easter/whatever spring holiday you chose to observe.
“It’s the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” Tallulah Bankhead |
