Two Cents Worth
Monday, August 01, 2005
From August 2005
Through the Fog



I'm still alive, finding joy where I can. Little things these days. A song that I just have to sing along with. A baby that really sees me. Being flirted with by a little boy cause that's what little boys do. The soft molasses cookies I have hidden in my cupboard. My cats being happy to see me at the end of the day. It's all good.
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Gotta Song Stuck

Sleeping With The Lights
Teitur

I’ve been haunted by this old ghost before
I want to hear your voice you know it’s been so long
Like a dancing wave you balance on the shore
It would feel so good to see your face again

I still sleep with the lights on
I still stay up late alone
I still love another one
I still sleep with the lights on

We both understand we got no way back
Our love was strange in a strange land
We got broken wings we were bound to fall
Until the sun comes up you can hold my hand

I still sleep with the lights on
I still stay up late alone
I still love another one
I still sleep with the lights on

Take it easy, take it slow
Let’s just watch the tides they grow
The wind is coming from the side
We are sleeping in the light
Feel like waking up in your house some day
Or eating off your hand like a bird astray
But nothing’s gonna change, we’ll still be the same
We’ve said what’s to say, nothing’s buried nowhere

I still sleep with the lights on
I still stay up late alone
I still love another one
I still sleep with the lights on
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Belief-O-Matic



I stole this from someone else and I can't remember who anymore. My apologies.




Belief-O-Matic Even if you don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic™ knows. Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and Belief-O-Matic™ will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...or ought to consider practicing.
Warning: Belief-O-Matic™ assumes no legal liability for the ultimate fate of your soul.




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Thou Shalt Not Whine

Many years ago when my kids were much younger I painted a sign for my kitchen and on it I painted the word Thou Shalt Not Whine. I taught my kids that the reason people whine is because they have their wants and needs confused. I'd ask them if they really needed to eat because they were hungry or if they just wanted ice cream because they heard the ice cream man. Do you need new shoes or do you just want those because Jaime down the street got a new pair. Wants are fine and you can have the things you want some times but you have to take care of the needs first.

I decided this past week not to put my whining in words. I have the things I need even if they aren't the way I want them.

We put Meenie back in the hospital yesterday. I don't want to look at the possibility of permanent placement in a home but it may be what she needs. This time she wants to kill me. I don't believe it. I know how close we are when she is fully together. It's just the disease that wants me to die but when it is in control I'm not safe. If she doesn't hurt me then she turns it on herself then she's not safe either.


I need to eat now. I want peanut butter and jelly.

Thank you for the kind words, Bless you all!
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I Need a Do Over.



Malaise, someone somewhere called it malaise. I think of it as the blues or restlessness. I'm sure there are many more names for this condition. The people in my real world would never guess what I'm feeling. It's the week of vacation bible school at work. I helped 45 children tye dye t-shirts the other day. Today we're making English muffin pizza's and glow in the dark posters. I've been bright and cheery with the kids, commiserating with the adults. They have no idea that late at night I wish and pray that I could fall asleep and then maybe not wake back up. I've spent the last few days looking over the choices I've made and wondering what I should have done differently. Questioning myself over and over. I'm so tired. In my soul I'm worn out. I need a do over.
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Idiosyncrasies



Magdala tagged me with a thingy about my idiosyncrasies. Was kinda fun!
  1. I can not stand to have some one messing in my kitchen when I’m cooking. Do not even pick up the spoon to stir the pot. Do not put the tea bags in the water. Do not even think about mentioning the way I do anything being different from your way. No, thank you, I do not want any help!
  2. It is very hard for me to write in a book. I had to make myself learn to use the margins for notes in college. I prefer to use Post-it notes every since then. It was rather traumatic. I cannot throw a book away.
  3. I have to remove the tags from all my shirts because if they rub on my neck too long I get a nasty headache.
  4. I will complain to restaurant managers about poor service. I do not tip for poor service. I have worked those types of jobs and I know it doesn’t take much more effort to do the job well than to give lousy service. I expect a smile, drink refills and courtesy. On the other hand I will over tip and making a point of finding the manager to congratulate good service.
  5. I don’t like to share my paint brushes. The only person allowed to use them is my son, Fred. I showed him how to properly clean, condition and store them to my specifications. No one else in the family even knows where I keep them and I deny their existence if anyone wants to borrow them.

I'm tagging EVERYONE!

If you put it on your blog let me know cause I'm nosey like that!

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Unfocused



I'm so damn restless I gotta do something with all this energy. Throwing shit out, moving furniture and my body freaking hurts but I can't seem to stop. I don't know where it all came from. I feel like I have to CHANGE something, MOVE something and I can't figure out where to put this need to best use. Dreading going to work tomorrow cause it means a day full of desk work and I don't know that I can do that. I'm not sleeping well. I forgot to eat for a whole day. Maybe just maybe I can wear myself out enough today to really rest tonight.
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Queen of Swords

Wow, if this is right I must be a wicked bitch.
Or is that just my cover?





WATER OF AIR. You're aloof, depressed and seasoned. You'd make a good psychologist, executioner, black widow, arsenic poisoner, heretic queen or commentator. You're too witty for your own good. Have to get up early in the morny morn to fool you, as you spot lies a mile away. And WOE TO THOSE who dare attempt such a stupid move. You're Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, when she cuts Michael's head off. You're Anne Robinson, the host of The Weakest Link!
Quiz
created by Polly Snodgrass.


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Calamine? Riiiight!

I have poison ivy.
On my neck.
And now it's spreading down my arms and chest.
I itch.

We trimmed up the yard a bit on Friday so we could use the grill and tables for Meenies party. I remembered to wash my hands and face very well because I get poison. I forgot I'd scratched my neck prior to washing my hands.
posted by twocents @ 12:00 AM   0 comments
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