| Saturday, January 01, 2005 |
| From January 2005 |
Over heard in a bar...
Two middle aged ladies sitting at the next table. I over heard one say to the other "My husband and I are into S&M. He sleeps and I masturbate!" I damn near spit my drink across the table.
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Wow!
Thursday evening was supposed to be a nice quiet even at home for me. Ron had to work, Eeny was out with his girlfriend, Meeny was quietly working on a craft project in her room and Fred was out with his friends. I settled at the computer to chat, something I don't get to do very often. All was going well until Eeny returned home early, in full gale force. No hurricane can ever match the erratic patterns of a 17 yr old. He's upset, needing to talk, so I naturally said good night to those online. I won't bore you with the details but it basically came down to a boy needing his mom. After some yelling on both our parts and some tears on his part, he finally admitted he still needed my help figuring things out! Oooo surprise! What about college, which one, what major and is moving in with the girlfriend after graduation REALLY a good idea?
About 5 minutes after I got him calmed down and worked out a few answers for him the phone rang. It's my mom, she doesn't feel "right" and wants me to come stay the night at her apartment. I asked a few questions and the only thing she'll say is that she thinks she might have had a stroke and doesn't want to be alone. (ACKK!) Out of my jammies and in to real clothes and out the door.
When I got to Mom's she was in bed and a neighbor had come to sit with her. She's not showing any signs of a stroke but it's obvious something isn't right. She is almost in tears and begs me to stay the night (I do) and promises to call the doc first thing the next morning (She does). I don't sleep all night, just listen in case she stops breathing, wondering if it's time for me to step up and take over.
Friday morning at the hospital an ER doc finally tells her that she will be dead in a few years if she doesn't lose weight. I know it's hard for her to hear but I'm so glad someone besides me finally said it to her. She's 400 pounds and it's got her whole body messed up. Low oxygen, electrolytes completely out of whack, high blood pressure, the whole works! We're trying to talk her into gastric bypass surgery. It's risky but dammit she's dying the way she is now.
It's Monday and I'm at work. It's gotten to the point coming here is the only peace I have.
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Bored at Work
I stumbled on to this test while webwandering so I though I'd kill some time and take it. I'm surprised and a little disconcerted by the accuracy .
Color Quiz
Your Existing Situation
Active, but feels that insufficient progress or reward is being made for the effort exerted.
Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.
Clings to her belief that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to her choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment.
Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.
Your Desired Objective
Longs for a tender and sympathetic bond and for a situation of idealized harmony. Has an imperative need for tenderness and affection. Susceptible to anything esthetic.
Your Actual Problem
Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.
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A Thought
I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.~ Anais Nin
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My 100 things
I really wasn’t planning on doing one of these but as I’ve read other lists I’ve been writing it in my head so here goes… 1. I am 34
2. I live in the same town in Maryland were I was born.
3. On the surface it seems to be a small backward community.
4. It really isn’t.
5. I’m 5’8”
6. My eyes are green and my hair is dark reddish brown…..with a couple silver streaks.
7. I am chunky/curvy.
8. My bras are 42 DD – the reason for the curves.
9. My mother is over 400 lbs and diabetic.
10. I am actively dieting because of it.
11. I hope to lose 25 - 30 lbs.
12. I love all kinds of music and have passed that love to my children.
13. I wore headphones on my tummy during the first pregnancy to pipe music into him.
14. He loves all kinds of music too.
15. I did not graduate high school.
16. I did get my equivalency diploma
17. With out ever taking the classes.
18. I think I am more intelligent then most of the people I know.
19. I’m also a little arrogant at times.
20. I have been on welfare before.
21. I have worried on a daily basis what I will feed my children.
22. I have gone with out food more than 3 days in a row to feed them.
23. I will never do that again.
24. I have lived without electric, heat and water.
25. I will never do that again either.
26. I have never had a driver’s license.
27. That is changing soon
28. I have had 7 women as lovers.
29. I have had 10 men as lovers.
30. I have learned something from each of them.
31. I prefer men but…
32. A woman can drive me to distraction.
33. I am only submissive with men.
34. I am sensual with women
35. I am shaved…there.
36. I shaved at first for my husband, now it’s for me.
37. I have a tattoo over my left breast of a dolphin.
38. I want more.
39. I also want my nipples pierced
40. My husband doesn’t like that
41. I don’t care.
42. I love Stephen King books.
43. I have them all.
44. I also love Anne Rice books
45. I only have a few.
46. I read a lot.
47. I have stayed up all night to finish a good book.
48. I am allergic to chocolate.
49. Also to most nuts, tomatoes and onions.
50. I have a condition called Interstitial Cystitis which causes me to be allergic to these things.
51. If I eat them in more then the tiniest bit it causes me pain.
52. I mostly avoid them.
53. I am supposed to wear glasses but I don’t because of vanity.
54. I hate contacts.
55. Hey! I’m more than half way there!
56. This hasn’t been as bad as I thought.
57. My first husband was an abusive alcoholic.
58. I left him when he threw my son across the room.
59. I was afraid of him for a long time
60. Until I broke his nose.
61. Now he flinches when he sees me
62. It is very empowering.
63. My current husband is an alcoholic.
64. He can be emotionally unavailable.
65. He also has cheated on me several times that I can prove.
66. I suspect several more.
67. I don’t have a great track record with relationships.
68. It makes me skittish.
69. I have had an emotional affair.
70. It’s was not revenge
71. He kept me sane.
72. It was never supposed to become an emotional thing.
73. Now it's over.
74. I love my job.
75. I work at a church as administration.
76. It’s the first office job I’ve ever had.
77. I will never work retail again.
78. I am looking for a new job.
79. I need to make more money than the church can afford to pay.
80. I am a member of this church.
81. I am a Christian but I mostly don’t like people who identify as Christians.
82. They scare me.
83. My favorite bumper sticker is “Jesus save me from your followers”
84. My family heritage is primarily American Indian and Irish.
85. The women have a reputation for their temper.
86. The men have a reputation for being constantly horny.
87. I got both traits.
88. I often masturbate several times a day.
89. My husband thinks I’m a freak.
90. I have participated in an orgy.
91. It was actually distracting.
92. I prefer no more then 4 people to the bed.
93. I would like to try double penetration.
94. I have been fucked by a woman wearing a strap on.
95. It had been a fantasy
96. It was very hot!
97. I love all deep colors, especially purple
98. I am a cat person
99. I was born in June
100. I am a true cancer female.
Listening to: Grant Lee Phillips – Lily-A Passion
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Happy New Year!
I've heard people talk about being alone in a crowd but I've never experienced it until Friday night. Ron and I went out for New Years with Bob and Lori to a local "male members only" club. One of those places with animal or tribal names where the ladies have an "auxiliary" and the men call each other brother. I sat at our table surrounded by friends. We all talked and drank. The band played and I danced to a few fast songs. . It made me sad watching the couples dance together. I've always heard that what you're doing when the new year begins is how the rest of your year will go. |
posted by twocents @ 12:00 AM   |
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Name: twocents
Home: Maryland, United States
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