Two Cents Worth
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
From June 2005
Gone Fishin'

The poles are in the trunk of the car. The lanterns are filled and the tackle box is ready. I have worms and livers in the cooler ready to go. My favorite fishing hat is on the bedpost. Soon as work is over, I'm gone and I ain't taking my cell phone!

Don't care what I catch, the water soothes me. I'll sleep good tonight and tomorrow I might just go again.

I used to hate fishing. My ex used it as a reason to get drunk and mean. He made fun of me cause I wasn't good at casting. Among other things.

Ron taught me to cast. Now he says I'm better than him because I can use an open face reel and get it to go where I want. Back handed, with my eyes closed. I like to show off when other guys are around. He brags to them about me.

See ya' ll later... my inner kid's gonna go play!
___________________________________________________________

June 27, 1970

It's my birthday, woo hoo for me!

I'm thirty five today. I took the day off from work to get a little "me" time. A very smart man suggested the idea to me so I took his advise. Slept til 11 this morning....Sigh! Tonight I'm going to my favorite restaurant for dinner. I think I'm going to clean out my closet today. I know that doesn't sound like fun or relaxation but I'm looking forward to getting rid of the clothes that are too big. Then I'll spend my birthday money refilling it with things that do fit!

I think maybe this birthday is part of my restlessness. I'm not where I wanted to be in my life and nothing has turned out the way I thought it would. Time to "shit or get off the pot" as my Pap used to say. My kids are growing up so fast and I wonder what I'll have when they're gone. How will I identify myself if not as their mom?

Eenie is moving out on Saturday. He rented the U-Haul today. I'm so excited for him! There's a whole list of firsts coming up for him. I raised him to be an adult and he's making me proud. Meenie is doing really well. We've gotten a lot of help with her and she's blossoming with the new meds. She has a light in her eyes I have never seen. Fred is away all week at the local college. They have a 6 week summer program for high schoolers. Eenie finished all 4 years and Fred's following in his foot steps. He just comes home on the weekends so I'm getting a taste of what it'll be like once he's grown too.

Guess I'll go get dressed now and start on that closet.....
__________________________________________________________

Welcome to White Trash Hell

I'm going to a wedding today. It's an obligation kind of thing. My friend Lori's brother is getting married and she begged me to be there for support. Let me give you a run down of the key players and some history.

Turd is Lori's piece of shit brother. He can't hold a job, drinks all the time and beats his soon to be bride and their collection of children. He get overly friendly with me every time he can.

Troll is the bride and live-in of Turd for the past 14 years. She really does resemble a troll and in true white trash tradition has none of her front teeth anymore. Turd has hit her enough to cause them to fall out. She also beats the children but has managed to keep her job at the local supermarket.

Danni is Lori and Turd's mom. She's a nice lady in general. She also dated my Uncle C for many years. She has since married a sweet man named JD.

My Uncle C dated/lived with Danni off and on for years. He is an usher at the wedding and will be escorting the Groom's mom (Danni) down the aisle.

Then there are Turd and Trolls 7 children ranging from 14 to 2. Four of them are biologically Turd's, two are from affairs Troll had during their tumultuous 14 year relationship and the oldest boy, age 14, is the product of a consensual incestuous relationship Troll had with her father when she was 17. She brags about it. The second oldest who is 13, will be attending the festivities wearing an ankle bracelet from the local Juvi Dept. He's been on house arrest for the last 6 months for theft and assaulting the younger children. Three of the youngest children receive assistance for various mental problems.
The entire family has been living in a local church for the last 8 or 9 months because they lost their house to foreclosure. They are no longer allowed to live at the local homeless shelters, rental projects or Section 8 homes because they destroy every house they have ever lived in. The pastor at the church bought a house and is renting it to them with the stipulation they must get married. His wife has paid for the brides gown and most of the decorations.
I'm expecting there to be at least one fist fight and I've considered advising the local police to be on stand-by. Ron asked me why I was going. All I could say was that it's like a train wreck, you just have to look.

_______________________________________________________________

Restless.

Delayed Spring Fever maybe?

I don't know.

I'm so far behind at work I may never catch up. Days kinda run together until I notice its Thursday when I would have sworn yesterday was just Monday. Is there anything really wrong? No. Just...restless.

I'm not sleeping well. My brain is running all the time. I spend more time thinking than doing. I think change is coming but I don't know where or when. Just...restless.

I forget to eat or I catch myself bingeing. Not good for me either way but I seem helpless to fix it. I crave crunchy things and veggies but I "forget" to buy them. Hormonal? Possibly but mostly just...restless.

I want sex but it gets to be bedtime and I just don't reach over there. I wake up frustrated, longing for it but I can't bring myself to speak up. Am I setting myself up to be angry or disappointed? Or am I just...restless.

Everything's out of sorts just under the surface and no one is feeling it but me.
_______________________________________________________________

Good Day

Yesterday was Ron's 39th birthday. When he got home from work he was surprized to find lots of friends and family.

and gifts...



and large amounts of....



It was very late when the festivities ended and we were both late for work this morning.
He said the hangover was worth it!

_______________________________________________________________

AC and Monkey Lovin'

What more can I say, both have made me a very contented woman. We've been putting off using the air conditioner at home to save money but in the interest of marital harmony they have been turned on. In celebration, we did things that left bruises and made the neighbors dog howl. Woo Hoo for me!!!
____________________________________________________________


I Live in the Sauna State, Just North of Armpit, West Virginia

HOT...HOT...HUMID...RAIN...MORE HOT...MORE HUMID...MORE RAIN!!! ARRGGG

In cold weather you can always put on more clothes or grab a warm body to snuggle up with but in hot weather all you can do is get naked and you can only get so naked. Naked can be good unless you're so sweaty you stick to the body next to you
and the bed clothes
and the furniture
and the floor
and......
______________________________________________________________

I Hate Summer

I'm sure that shocks some people. It's like saying I hate Granny's apple pie or laughing at Ol' Yellers death. It's almost un-American to hate summer! But you see, I'm just not built for this weather. Somewhere I must have this mutant gene or maybe even a defective gland that prevents me from sweating properly. I just don't sweat much, instead I swell up with fluid until my fingers can't bend any more. The temperature out side reaches 75 and my body decides we're going to die if we don't conserve water. Similar to a camel I have extra storage but mine are in a different area known as CANKLES. Oh and did I mention I have asthma. High humidity makes me wheeze. Have you ever seen a wheezing water balloon? It ain't pretty!

______________________________________________________________


So, Well, Umm, Hmmm

Ok, enough with the stupid jokes and copied crap. I've been putting this off long enough. I don't have a good reason for the delay. I've had stolen moments here and there. Hell. I've got insomnia 4 nights out of 7, plenty of time to get my sorry ass to the keyboard. If nothing else I've come to except my insecurity. I want to be liked, dammit. I suppose the whole world does, but I tell stories and jokes or worst just become invisible so as not to make some horrific social faux pas. So here I am again. Please excuse the mess.

The oldest boy, Eenie, is moving out. He and The Girl will be renting an apartment from her mom in July. Huge mistake, but what the hell do I know! We've gotten them all the basic housewares and furniture we could, we've offered advise when it's been solicited, and we've told them that they'll be fine. What else is there to do? I raised him to be an adult but I didn't expect that time to get here so soon. I keep having flashes of my little boy and then the next moment I see the man he's become. He's breaking my heart and making me proud.

Meenie's home from the hospital. She's doing ok right now but the whole family is on edge watching her. We don't leave her alone, ever. Fred's joyfully driving me nuts. He can piss me off faster than most anyone on the planet and then make me laugh just before the urge to kill him sets in really good. The other day we were talking about some male star and how he'd really settled down. I told Fred that he'd even gotten married and had kids. The rest follows;
Fred-Who did he have kids with?
Me - His wife, I guess
Fred - Thank you, Captain Obvious. I kind of figured that.
Yep that's my boy.

I discovered wrinkles on my face yesterday, laugh lines around my mouth and a crease between my eyes. I'm turning 35 on the 27th. It's strange because through my twenties I felt so old and now I feel so much younger. I kinda like being this age. If I'd have known thirties were so much better I'd have just skipped the twenties all together. Young guys think I'm a MILF, old guys think I'm a sweet young thing, the hot flashes have saved me a fortune in heating, all the hair on my body is getting finer or just falling out so I don't have to shave as much and the erratic hormones have given me a sex drive like I never had before. The grey hair on my head dyes slightly lighter than the rest so I can use cheap hair color and still look like I use the expensive "multi-tonal" crap and for some unknown reason my nails are growing better. All and all not a bad trade for having to bleach a few things and take a little extra care with my make-up.

__________________________________________________________________

Really Bad Friday Humor

Tim and Anne were making passionate love in Tim's mini van when suddenly Anne, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!" Tim, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Anne until they both collapses in ecstasy.
About a week later, Anne notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"
Anne, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Tim (let alone that she allowed the kinky bastard to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.
Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of ..........van aerial disease that I've ever seen.


AND


An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator'.
posted by twocents @ 12:00 AM   0 comments
About Me

Name: twocents
Home: Maryland, United States
About Me:
See my complete profile

Previous Post
Archives
Links