Two Cents Worth

Random Shit

2008-02-14T13:50:00.005-05:00

I am reading Tale of a Body Thief for the 9th time.

I quit smoking on January 29th. I also had "girlie" surgery that day.

I am perimenopausal. I have nervous energy and hot flashes. It sucks.

I had a major panic attack two weeks ago. I thought I was dying.

I am making my Dad a "crumb" quilt. It is the first thing I've made him since elementary school. I think some things have healed.

I haven't had sex in 3 weeks and don't care.

I haven't had an orgasm during sex in 2.5 months which might be why I don't care.

My youngest child turned 17 in December. I am looking forward to "empty nesting"

My hair is shoulder length again. Mostly cause I'm too lazy to do anything with it.

I'm hooked on Lolcatz.

In the last six months Fred was diagnosed with a form of juvenile arthritis, Meanie had her wisdom teeth extracted and Ron was diagnosed with diabetes. I'm really getting tired of doctor appointments.

I have discovered I love sleeping in fuzzy jammies.

My Kids Can Confirm......

2008-02-14T13:49:00.000-05:00

I'm cold..

2007-11-08T11:24:00.000-05:00

No, really! I'm freakin' froze!

We woke up to a house full of smoke on the morning of the 28th. Apparently our furnace blower stopped blowing which caused the heat exchangers to crack and warp. Poof, no more furnace.

Our home owners insurance is covering all but the deductable and the furnace is ordered. The signifigant word here being "ordered." So we wait for delivery. It's really only been about 10 days but during those ten days the cold moved in to our little mountain region, along with some snow flurries.

Send blankets please!

2007-10-24T15:28:00.000-04:00

Corn and grain, corn and grain,

All that falls shall rise again.

I've become some what domesticated but please do not confuse that with becoming tame. I have had to put my own needs to the side for a time and have discovered on the other side that my needs have changed. It should be interesting to see who I am to become.

Things are well in my little world. The children are growing up to be likable people. Bills are paid and meals cooked. I'm underpaid and slightly underfucked!

Speechless

2007-05-09T14:16:00.000-04:00

After all this time I'm finding it hard to say anything. So, I'll ramble on.

I like this new template though I'm not sure about the greys. I had wanted to stay in the brown/copper families but every one I've tried has just been wrong. Too orange or red or just too bright. I'll happily take input and criticism.

Life has moved on, as it always does. Nothing has seemed quite right since the Old Mans death but we're all adjusting. Some days it's just overwhelming then others I think I'll be ok.

Fred finally broke last weekend. I knew it would happen but wasn't sure when. He's bottled it all up this whole time and finally just lost it. A sobbing, snotting 16 yr old is never a pretty sight. He was the last of the kids to react. He's the most like me in a lot of ways, hold it til no one else needs you and the crisis has passed. Then you can have a break down. I'm just so grateful he trusts me enough to be with him when it happened.

I don't feel like the same person any more. I think I've buried some part of me so deeply I'm not sure I can bring her back.

Um...Hello?

2007-05-07T20:01:00.000-04:00

I'm alive.
I need a make over, blog-wise that is and will take recomendations.
I think this is a little too perky for me.

I may need a make over life-wise as well, but we'll talk about that another day.

2006-12-29T12:13:00.000-05:00

We lost the Old Man Wednesday evening.
I hurt.

2006-10-02T14:19:00.000-04:00

Sorry, Blogger stopped being a bitch a few days later but then my family caught the flu…and a cold…and then the flu again. I’ve managed to avoid catching anything but the hubby and my daughter have been down for weeks. The vomiting stopped two days ago and the hacking is down to a minimum. I’m hopeful.

I’m also taking tax prep classes again this year. I worked through tax season earlier this year and enjoyed myself more than I thought I would so I’m going back for my second season. I have to brush up on my skills so I’m in class twice a week.

I’ve got a song stuck in my head. Not that that’s anything new for me.

She never mentions the word addiction
In certain company
Yes, she'll tell you she's an orphan
After you meet her family

She paints her eyes as black as night, now
Pulls those shades down tight
Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes,
The pain's gonna make everything alright

Says she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name

She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes, the hair is from a little boy
And the cross is someone she has not met, not yet

2006-09-14T10:17:00.000-04:00

Blogger is being an evil bitch. My post has been eaten twice. I will attempt a third later today when I no longer want to smash the screen.

Friday Laziness

2006-09-01T12:19:00.000-04:00

I have the day off. I should be cleaning something. Instead I'm here. It could be worse!

We're going on vacation for a few days next week in Ocean City Maryland. There are four couples from here going and two more couples meeting us there. Our biggest decision right now is whether to buy the beer here or wait until we get there. Ron is worrying about everything but that is what he does so I'm not. You know, to balance the energy. The truck will make it fine. We may have to live on hotdogs and pop tarts for a few days but we will not go hungry, the room is paid for so we have a roof and we have enough clothes to be seen in public...mostly. I don't see any of this as a problem. It's a vacation, at the beach, with adults only! I don't need much more than that right now.

One of the couples going is OUR couple, Bob and Lori, so playtime shall prevail, Halleluiah!!!! We've arranged it so none of the other couples are on our floor so I don't have to be too quiet. I've never noticed but from what my lovers tell me I get a bit enthusiastically vocal. This will be the third year we've vacationed with them. I guess we're in a committed quad. Not something I've ever had as a goal but some how it worked out this way. We all just work so well together. We're leaving on Wednesday morning after the kids leave for school and returning on Sunday evening. I expect to be a sunburnt, sand-blasted, hungover, well fucked wench.

If I don't get back here before then, I hope you all have a good Labor Day weekend!

And be sure to check out Shadow Visitations.

Amnesia!!! That's it!

2006-08-23T14:32:00.000-04:00

I lost my password...
I forgot I had a blog...
I forgot....everything!

At least that's my story.

I'm alive, my kids and family are all alive. I'm still married. On the other side (pleasedeargod) of the shitstorm that has been this year those are the only things that still matter.

Meenie is off all of the meds I listed a while back. She's maintaining on plain old Lithium. I have my daughter back for now. It's a good thing.

Fred's health is improving. The doctor lifted the last of his restrictions yesterday. No more (opleasedearjesus) antibiotics, pain meds and hospital visits.

The Old Man is still with us. He's living on sheer will-power. I'll take what ever time we have.

Ron and I are still damn good at being friends. I'll take that too.

I've missed the world, the sweetness of talking to friends.

Ask me a question
Tell me a story
Talk to me

Tumultuous

2006-06-29T13:26:00.000-04:00

tu·mul·tu·ous
adjective : marked by violent or overwhelming turbulence or upheaval

Here and Now

2006-06-22T09:49:00.000-04:00

Time's a funny thing isn't it?
The way we lose it.
The way we always say we're going to find it.
My basic education tells me that time is a constant but my life tells me it fluctuates.
I no longer believe in clocks and calendars.
They lie to me everytime I look at them.
The "perfect moment" can stretch for hours. (yes, I'm a Trekker)
Same with that moment you wish had never happened.

I was walking through Wal-mart last night when I saw a set of car mats in the shape of flip flops and thought to myself "Blaze would love those!"
Then it hit me...I hadn't read a post of hers in months.
Dear sweet Amythest, poor girl, I just disappeared no explaination.

Today I have discovered how many have moved, some just gone.
If any of you read this, could you please let me know where you are.
If you've emailed me in the last month or two, I'll be replying this week.

Please Note: I'm cleaning up my links. If you have moved and I don't have a current link for you I'm going to take you off the list. PLEASE!!! email me the new address so I can add you again.

TWO MONTHS TOMORROW

2006-04-27T08:49:00.001-04:00

Haloperidol
Brand name: Haldol

Pharmacology - Antipsychotic
Indications
Haloperidol is indicated in the management of manifestations of acute and chronic psychosis, including schizophrenia and manic states.
Warnings
Tardive dyskinesia is known to occur in patients treated with neuroleptics with antipsychotic properties and other drugs with substantial neuroleptic activity. Although the dyskinetic syndrome may remit partially or completely if the medication is withdrawn, it is irreversible in some patients. At the present time there is uncertainty as to whether neuroleptic drugs differ in their potential to cause tardive dyskinesia.

Tardive dyskinesia Pronunciation: 'tär-div- dis-k&-'nE-zh(E-)Function: noun: a central nervous system disorder characterized by twitching of the face and tongue and involuntary motor movements of the trunk and limbs and occurring especially as a side effect of prolonged use of antipsychotic drugs

Benztropine
Brand name: Cogentin

Pharmacology - Antidyskinetic
Indications
Antidyskinetics are used to treat Parkinson's disease, sometimes referred to as ``shaking palsy.'' By improving muscle control and reducing stiffness, this medicine allows more normal movements of the body as the disease symptoms are reduced. It is also used to control severe reactions to certain medicines such as reserpine (e.g., Serpasil) (medicine to control high blood pressure) or phenothiazines, chlorprothixene (e.g., Taractan), thiothixene (e.g., Navane), loxapine (e.g., Loxitane), and haloperidol (e.g., Haldol) (medicines for nervous, mental, and emotional conditions).
Common Side effects
Blurred vision; constipation; decreased sweating; difficult or painful urination (especially in older men); drowsiness; dryness of mouth, nose, or throat; increased sensitivity of eyes to light; nausea or vomiting

Aripiprazole
Brand name: Abilify

Pharmacology - antipsychotic
Indications
Abilify is used to treat Schizophrenia. Abilify has not been studied in children under 18 years of age
Some rare but serious side effects with Abilify include: Tardive dyskinesia (TD). Symptoms of TD include involuntary (uncontrolled) and abnormal muscle movements.

Mirtazapine
Brand name: Remeron

Pharmacology – antidepressants
Indications
Depression
Off-Label Uses: Panic/Anxiety, Bipolar Depression, Sleep Disorders, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Lupus, Irritable Bowel Syndrome
WARNING
Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk: Patients, their families, and their caregivers should be encouraged to be alert to the emergence of anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, hostility, aggressiveness, impulsivity, akathisia (psychomotor restlessness), hypomania, mania, other unusual changes in behavior, worsening of depression, and suicidal ideation, especially early during antidepressant treatment and when the dose is adjusted up or down. Families and caregivers of patients should be advised to observe for the emergence of such symptoms on a day-to-day basis, since changes may be abrupt. Such symptoms should be reported to the patient's prescriber or health professional, especially if they are severe, abrupt in onset, or were not part of the patient's presenting symptoms. Symptoms such as these may be associated with an increased risk for suicidal thinking and behavior and indicate a need for very close monitoring and possibly changes in the medication. Please see Prescribing Information and Medication Guide.

Methylphenidate
Brand Name – Concerta ER

Pharmacology - stimulant
Indications
Concerta is used to treat attention deficit disorder (ADD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and narcolepsy
WARNING
Do not take Concerta without first talking to your doctor if you have an allergy to Concerta, severe tension, and agitation, or anxiety, motor tics or have been diagnosed with Tourette's syndrome, a psychotic condition such as schizophrenia, or depression
Common Side Effects - slower weight gain and/or growth, tics (repetitive movements); insomnia (difficulty sleeping); nervousness, drowsiness, headache, blurred vision

Hydroxyzine hydrochloride
Brand name: Atarax

Pharmacology - antihistamine
Indications
Atarax is an antihistamine used to relieve the symptoms of common anxiety and tension and, in combination with other medications, to treat anxiety that results from physical illness. It also relieves itching from allergic reactions and can be used as a sedative before and after general anesthesia.
Common Side Effects
Drowsiness, the most common side effect of Atarax, is usually temporary and may disappear in a few days or when dosage is reduced. Other side effects include dry mouth, twitches, tremors, and convulsions. The last two usually occur with higher than recommended doses of Atarax.

________________________

She takes a total of 10 pills a day plus inhalers for her asthma. She was having a period every two weeks because of the Abilify so we added birth control. The tremors are under control but when I touch her skin I can feel the muscles moving. The voices are quiet right now. She's upbeat and happy for the first time this year. The cuts and scratches on her arms are healed but there will be some scarring. We've had 2 hospital stays and more ER visits than I can remember.

She'll be 17 in July.

I'm scared what the drugs are doing to her. I'm scare of what would happen with out them. I'm scare of what the rest of her life will be like. I'm scared of what the rest of mine will be like.

Random

2006-02-28T10:02:00.000-05:00

Yes I took a time out. My blogging needs have changed. I haven’t found my sense of security here. We shall see what becomes.

I’ve been watching myself a lot lately, a sort of scary introspection. Some things I like and some I don’t. I tend to look at the grass being greener on the other side. I’m working to learn to be happy with what I have. It’s not like I shouldn’t try to improve myself or my circumstances, it’s more like figuring out that many of the things I have in my life right now are exactly what I need. Not always what I want though.

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

I moved here a few months ago because someone in my community was reading the “OTHER” blog. I had been getting hits from 2 local ISP’s. One of them was my husband at work. I still don’t know who the other was. I’m afraid he’ll follow me here. I moved all of me over because I just couldn’t bring myself to delete it. He’s my husband, I shouldn’t hide from him. I want it to be different but ….I’m not sure he can understand me, or maybe worse would be finding out he doesn’t want to, that he doesn’t care to know all that goes on in my mind.

**********

Next to my bed, on the closet door, is a floor length mirror. It’s very old, very beautiful and came with the house. I’d never think about removing it. But the truth is I’m a little afraid of it. It’s fine during the day, doesn’t bother me a bit. At night, once I turn out the lights, I can’t look at it. I’m afraid of what I’ll see looking back at me. I undress with my eyes closed and if I get up to pee in the night I keep them closed until I’m back in bed. What the hell is that about?

****************

I bought new clothes. For some reason I suddenly have a need to wear pinks. I have jeans that really fit me for the first time in ...well maybe ever. Ron insisted I get them. I've always bought my clothes at thrift shops and yard sales. I'm cheap and poor what can I say! He took me shopping last week, gave me a budget and said have fun. Did I ever! This new pair of Levi’s makes my ass look amazing.

**********

We spent an evening with Bob and Lori last weekend. I spent most of it naked and chained to the ceiling. It was a good thing. There is something about being objectified that sets me flying. I'm finding that I can not orgasm with out some level of pain. I don't know how I feel about that. I still have a few lovely bruises though. I need so much more. I could learn to live in that space.

*********

The Old Man has been in and out of the hospital twice in the past two weeks. Congestive heart failure and pneumonia. It hurts to watch some one you love slowly die. I guess that's all we are doing every day. We begin dying the moment we are born.

***********

People who mispronounce words drive me insane.

Corporal Tunnel and the Prostrate....grrrrr

Opinion

2006-02-09T15:24:00.000-05:00

What's the worst for you?

No sex

Bad sex

Pity sex

Boring sex

Yep this chick is suffering from lackanookie.

Guess what's on my mind today?

........

.....

You and some lovely leather

Tell me a bedtime story

I Need a Laugh Dammit!!!

2006-02-07T10:10:00.000-05:00

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

At A Loss

2006-02-06T14:33:00.000-05:00

Last week as I was reveling in my return to personal sanity a young woman of our congregation lost her fight with the bitch. She was 16 years old, bright and beautiful. I'm at work today but the building feels sad, if that is possible. Her death has impacted every one of us in some way. No one saw it coming. No one knows what to say. She was buried on Saturday. Some of the flowers are still here in the church. I wish I could have helped her.

Into the Sunshine

2006-01-31T12:21:00.000-05:00

The sun is shining. Not outside, in here where I am. I think I've made it through to the other side once again. The bitch had me for awhile. The one that wants me to die. She waits for me to get tired or lonely or hurt, then she'll pounce. I think she's getting weaker. She didn't fight as hard this time and she won't be back anytime soon, I hope.

I'll admit it finally, I have chronic depression. Yes, I could medicate it away but when I do I lose part of me too. I spent two years feeling nothing. Not sad or happy or angry or love. Nothing. Just can't do that again. So I'll keep fighting her. Drowning out her lies in my head with white noise. Lalalalala...hear that bitch? That's me. I'm getting stronger. Smarter too.

The Ride

2006-01-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

I'm up, I'm down, I'm up again. The loops are a real bitch!

I'm in more desperate need of medication than any thirty-something white woman in history.

I tear up over EVERYTHING!

We had a setback, I cried.

He got a little better, I cried.

He sat up....you got it....water works.

He won't eat his Jello unless I feed it to him. I cried....later.

I read my comments. Yup, they got me too.

I think I might be dehydrating.

Thank you, so much more that I can say.

Time

2006-01-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

It's been eight days since my last post. Seems like 2. Time is distorted. I miss my friends, the ones on both sides of this screen. I'm just not able to hold up my end of the bridge right now. If they lay down their end too, I can't blame them.

The Old Man had his surgery yesterday. What was supposed to be a triple by-pass became a quadruple. He is still on the ventilator and isn't very responsive. Time will tell. He may also need to be on dialysis for awhile. At some point in the future he'll need to have a pacemaker installed. Then after that they want to figure out what the unknown mass in his lungs really came from, cancer or asbestos exposure. His body is just so worn out. Of course, if he survives all of the medical procedures he may never die.

I spent 12 hours at the hospital. Two of them in the ER with Meenie. She announced in the middle of school that if her grandfather died she was going to kill herself. While I needed to be with my husband and mother-in-law I was busy convincing a "crisis" councilor that Meenie wasn't really a threat to herself, She just needed to come to grips with reality. Some time after that I not so gently told my daughter the same thing. It hurt her. It hurt me to have to do it but she has to grow up now.

Tomorrow I start my new second job. It'll only last through tax season but the next few weeks are peak and I'm on call several nights.

I am the strong one.
I am so fucking tired.

Stolen

2006-01-12T12:28:00.000-05:00

Your 2005 Song Is

Feel Good Inc by Gorillaz

"Love forever love is free.
Let's turn forever you and me."

In 2005, you were loving life and feeling no pain.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

I swiped this from Tiger 'cause it's just too COOL!

January 11 and the Year Already Sucks!

2006-01-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

I am alive but well is an other issue.

We admitted my 78 year old father in law to the hospital on December 28th. He had pneumonia and then a heart attack while the paramedics were getting him out of the house. I went to the hospital with him in the ambulance because my mother in law was more concerned with taking the fucking dog out to piss than being with her husband. I know that's probably not fair. I'm sure she was coping the best way she could. I'm still pissed however.

He had a double bypass done back in '74 so once they got the infection beat back a bit the doctors wanted more cardiac testing. The catheterization showed 60%-100% blockage in 4 main vessels. His heart is working at 20% capacity. We all decided to go for a second bypass to replace the old grafts and repair some new blockage but first more testing. The CT scan found cancer in his lungs. Just fuck me running. We're waiting for the surgeon to figure out what type of cancer we're dealing with so we know if it's safe to open him up.

There is so much shit going on with the family politics that I can barely function. My brother in law is an ass and his wife is a money grubbing bitch. That's being nice. My mother in law is the pacifist and my husband is in denial.

New Years was spent with friends and a bottle of Captain Morgan. I'm not really sure which one made me feel better.

Please send more Captain!

Edge's UNTAGGED UNMEME

2005-12-21T12:57:00.000-05:00

I was lurking around trying to get caught up of some of my favorite writers when I stumbled across Edge's UNTAGGED UNMEME. Please take the time to check it out.

I'll wait.

Thanks Edge, for the topics. How has the internet changed your sex life (or, holy hell, I had no idea this shit was out there!!!)Did you start with porn surfing, do you still? Do you have favorite sites that you still visit?

I got my first computer back in ’98, along with a brand new US Robotics capture card and web cam. I knew right from the start there was a world full of freaks out there and I wanted to meet as many of them as possible. The first night online was spent downloading ICUII, ICQ and learning my way around the lingo of this new world I had discovered. The next day was spent finding web porn. My addiction was forming rapidly. I don’t think I slept more than 3 hours a night for the first six months. I remember cybering til 5 AM, crashing til 7:30 AM and then going to work dead tired and horny as hell. When I got home it all started again.

I’ve never gotten into the porn much because I like the images in my head much better. I do read large, daily amounts of stories. Literotica is my favorite, right after a ton of bloggers. I download movies from time to time if I can find one that gets my mind going. I remember the only time an image shocked me. I’ve seen the best and the worst the net has to offer but for some reason the man with 100 chop sticks up his ass really stunned me. I’d seen insertions and the like but there was something about those damn chopsticks sticking up from his rectum, well ‘nuff said!

More later.....

Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged

2005-12-21T09:33:00.000-05:00

Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas
Narcissistic--- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees andFire Hydrants and ...
Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an OpenFire
Full Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...
Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House
Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From MyHouse in My Slippers and Robe
Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus SoI Burned Down the House
Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas while I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.

2005-12-19T14:36:00.000-05:00

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN,
CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE

Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

Bethlehem, Judea - Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child named Jesus, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when Jesus would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is. Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape.

Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God. The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case her child - we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper therapy regiment we can get her back on her feet."

A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end."

Hey!!

2005-12-13T09:49:00.000-05:00

I'm going to need to take some time off in January to recover from December! Let's see so far; my ear infection came back and I caught a cold, my mom's birthday, my youngest son's birthday, three Christmas parties and a dinner for 120 people that I'll be preparing with only one assistant. That's all during last week and this coming week. I still have all of my Christmas shopping to do and decorating of the house. The tree went up last night. Any one expecting a "real" Christmas card from me this year can kiss my large round posterior!

I know a lot of people are up in arms about the whole Happy Holidays thing but frankly I'm having a hard time really seeing this as a problem. I'm a Christian so for me this is Christmas. If I were Swahili I might be celebrating Kwanza or if I were Jewish it'd be Hanukkah. If I were Pagan I might like celebrating the Solstice and then we all get into New Years.

Whatever.

This is the "holidays" therefore I will wish you a happy one. This is the season for winter festivities. Jesus was born some time in April. The organized Church (A.D. 320) decided to join in with the existing winter type parties and CREATE their own. I mean really, what the hell does pine trees, jolly fat men, annoying multicolored flashing lights or mistletoe have to do with the birth of Christ. I don't hear anyone chanting death to the snowmen!

2005-12-10T15:30:00.000-05:00

You are the Justice card. Justice preserves the
harmony of the world. Working with opposite
forces, Justice does not seek to criticize or
condemn but rather to accept. The idea behind
the card justice is that opposite forces are
complementary; you could not have good without
evil or light without darkness. Justice's
position is to make sure that if a thing is out
of balance, the weight of its energy is
realigned with its opposite force. This card is
also a card of humour, for it is in pointing
out contrary positions that humour is often
found. The attitude that is found in the
humourous person, being able to shift
perspective and flow with an instinct, is
important in the maintenance of good balance.
Image from The Blue Moon Tarot Deck.
http://www.themysticeye.com/pics/bluemoon.htm

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

How well do you know me?

2005-12-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

Stolen from several people, who swiped it from someone else, who swiped it from... well, you know how things go online.

Anyway, let's have a little fun. How well do you think you really know me? Here's what you do: Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. It would be great if you'd then copy and paste this in your own journal to see how your blog friends view you.

On with the fun.....

* dominant or submissive ~submissive~
* logical or intuitive ~intuitive~
* social or loner ~loner~
* kinky or vanilla ~kinky~
* cute or sophisticated ~both as needed~
* kitten or puppy ~kitten~
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin ~flannel~
* leader or follower ~I will lead if no one else will~
* quiet or talkative ~quiet~
* spontaneous or planned ~spontaneous~
* football or chess ~chess~
* hiking or golfing ~hiking~
* tequila or vodka ~vodka, straight, no chaser~
* top or bottom ~bottom~
* barefoot or shoes ~shoes, you can never have too many~
* jeans or Dockers ~jeans~
* tender or rough ~tender~
* aware or dreamy ~aware~
* nerd or geek~geek, a nerd with social skills~

Stolen from Amethyst

2005-12-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative

94%

Idealist

75%

Existentialist

69%

Materialist

50%

Postmodernist

44%

Fundamentalist

25%

Modernist

19%

Romanticist

19%

What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com

New Home

2005-12-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

I'm really having a hard time writing here. I've written 3 or 4 posts and then deleted them. It's kind of like moving into a new apartment when you just can't quite get that homey feeling. This isn't my home yet. I guess just like that apartment, I'll have to fake it til I get comfortable.

Life has been hectic. Ron's changing jobs and while thats a good thing, they have over lapped the last two weeks. He's worn down and irritable. The old job ends tomorrow so hopefully he'll be back to his brand of normal soon. The new job will give us benifits, something we have lived with out way too long.

I'm still checking in on all of you and as soon as I find this new voice, I'm sure you won't be able to shut me up!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-23T07:45:00.000-05:00

Settling In

2005-11-18T15:43:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for the well wishes and suggestions ....salt water works wonders, I've used it for years, warm baby oil feels good on anything that is hurting and yes Jas......sucking really does help. I couldn't find any one to take me up on the rum and smoking though.
I'm feeling better.

I've moved everything over from where I was before. Plus I got this cool new template. I'm hoping I don't turn in to a template junky but it's tempting. There are some really cool ones around.

Today is our anniversary. We've been married 11 years but have been together 18. That's half of my life. Every time I start thinking it's time to move on he gives me a reason to stay. Maybe I do the same to him without knowing it. Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm still here today.

Sick and Tired

2005-11-15T09:44:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of sleeping for 8 hours then having to take a nap because showering wears me out. I'm back to work today because I have to be and I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to make it through. I still can't hear out of one ear and I'm getting worn down fighting this off. I went to the ER last Saturday. I have an ear infection, just a plain ordinary ear infection but I have no insurance. I only had enough money to get half of the prescription of antibiotics and that ran out last week. I'm taking lots of echinechea and zinc. If any of you happen to know any home remedies, I'm open to suggestions.

And you know what else really bites?.....I'm horny as hell and can't stop hacking long enough to enjoy it.

Back to Work

2005-11-08T12:43:00.000-05:00

Well at least the lisp is gone. Now I have inner ear infections that have messed with my balance and hearing. I'm hoping that getting sick early in the season will prevent me from catching every bug that flies by later this winter. Thank ya'll for checking in though, I appreciate it. I'm running behind at the office but I should be caught up by the weekend.

Things in my life are really quiet right now. I'm enjoying the peace.

I'm sth'k

2005-11-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

I have a told and mah nose is thuffy and my head hurth and I'm goink back to bed now.

I need sthoup.

Make the Call....

2005-11-01T11:49:00.000-05:00

National Association to Protect Children

------

------

"children are abused by family members

and family members are not punished

the way a stranger would be"....SS

2005-10-31T16:20:00.000-05:00

I stole this but thought it'd be a good way to start.

Copy this entire list into your blog. BOLD everything about you that is true.
Leave plain anything that is false about you.
Put an asterisk (*) at the end of false statements you would LIKE to be true.

I have had sex while wearing a blindfold.
I have blindfolded someone else during sex.
I have had sex while watching porn.
I have had sex while surfing porn on the Internet.
I sleep better after sex.
There are some nights I cannot sleep without sex or masturbating.
The bed is NOT my most favorite place to have sex.
I am turned on knowing someone is watching me masturbate.
I have masturbated for someone over a web cam.
I have had sex over a web cam.
I will have sex with someone I just met if they turn me on.
I have been tied up during sex.
I have had sex with someone who was tied up.
I have dripped wax onto a lover's body.
I have had a lover drip wax onto my body.
I have a foot fetish.
I have a leather fetish.
I have a tickle fetish.
I like being choked during sex.
I have had sex in a burning building.
I have erotic art on display somewhere in my residence.*
I enjoy nudie magazines.
Erotic toys are a regular part of my budget.
I think PLAYBOY is tame, maybe even boring.
I have clicked on porn links in my email.
I know the difference between girl/girl and lesbian sex in porn.
I have watched more than one gay/lesbian porn video.
Much of what I know about sex comes from porn.
Interracial sex turns me on. * No more or less*
I think we should do more to understand the cultures of sex.
I would participate in sex research given the opportunity.
My current lover does not sufficiently meet my sexual needs.
I currently have a "crush" on someone of the same sex.
I have had sex at my place of employment.
I am often disappointed in my sexual relationships.
Some people might describe me as a nymphomaniac.
I am difficult to live with if I'm not having sex on a regular basis.
I sleep better with someone snuggled up next to me.
I have had sex under water.
I have had sex in the snow.
I am in a polyamorous relationship.*
I have to have music playing while having sex.
I have had more than ten orgasms in one night.
I have flashed strangers.
I have given sex as a gift.
I have set-up a three-way for my lover.
I stopped during this list to have sex.

Well Here I Be

2005-10-31T11:27:00.000-05:00

Whew, I hate moving! I think I've gotten everything set up here.
I'll be a little more careful this time.

Now I've got to get caught up on my reading.

From October 2005

2005-10-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Back to the Tunage

Jason has two songs actually.
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man
Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It'll help you some sunny day.
Oh, take your time...
Don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman, oh baby, you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Baby be a simple, kind of man.
Oh, won't you do this for me son,
If you can?
Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need, oh lord, is in your soul,
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Baby be a simple, kind of man.
Oh, won't you do this for me son, If you can?
Boy, don't you worry... you'll find yourself.
Follow your heart, lord, and nothing else.
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And in honor of his cute lil Easter egg....The Hamster Dance
Da DA Dee Dah Dee Da DOO DOO Dee da DEE DEE DOH

Lynn and Monkey and T
Joss Stone - I've Fallen in Love With You
I've fallen in love with you
Please, tell me, tell me what else was there to do
When feelin lips like yours and looking into eyes like yours
Oh, I might as well face it
Cause it's true
Yes, I've fallen in love with you
Oh, my beating heart wants you
And my empty arms need you
Don't you go, please stay
And never try to send me away
I've fallen in love with you (ooh baby, please stay)
I've fallen in love with you
I've fallen in love with you
And you've just got to feel the same way too
When you embraced me last night
Lord knows it was pure, such pure delight
Oh, my beating heart wants you
And my empty arms need you
Don't you go, please stay
And never try to send me away
Oh yes, my love Oh yes, my love
My darlin I've fallen in love with you
I've fallen in love
I've fallen so deep in love you see
Until you become the very soul of me
Let me tell you something,
I don't care WHO KNOWS
All over, hey, all over my face it shows
Said I'm talkin bout love this time
Oh, yes I am
And you know what?
It's not a schoolgirl crush
Oh no, no Ooh, baby, yea
Oh my beating heart wants you
And my empty arms need you
Don't you go, please stay
And never try to send me away
My beating heart wants you
And my empty arms need you
Don't you go, please stay
And never try to send me away
I've fallen in love with you (yes, my love)
I've fallen in love with you (in love with you, in love with you)
I've fallen in love with you (it's not infatuation cause I would really know)
I've fallen in love with you(My beating heart wants you, you know it wants you)
I've fallen in love with you(I've fallen for you)
I've fallen in love(I'm falling in love)
I've fallen in love with you(Tell me, what else was there to do?)
I've fallen in love

Popeye
Blind Melon - No Rain
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
and speak my point of view
But it's not sane, It's not sane
I just want someone to say to me oh,oh, oh, oh
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away,
but it's a great escape escape......escape......escape......
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
ya don't like my point of view ya think I'm insane
Its not sane......it's not sane.
I just want someone to say to me oh, oh, oh
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made
I'll have it made
I'll have it made
You know we're really gonna,
really gonna have it made
Gonna have it made
________________________________________________________

How is it that the touch of one person can make everything else feel right. How is it that a few hours or so of undivided and total attention can return me to that right place in my head. Today I can cope, excel even. How is it that one person can be that important to me, when I spend so much time trying to deny it. Today, big deals aren't so big. Problems are manageable. I am loved.
So simple and so important, I am loved.
My heart is full.
__________________________________________________________

It’s Weird Part III

Maddy
Dar Williams - The Beauty of the Rain
And you know the light is fading all too soon
You're just two umbrellas one late afternoon
You don't know the next thing you will say
This is your favorite kind of day
It has no walls, the beauty of the rain is how it falls,
how it falls, how it falls
And there's nothing wrong,
but there is something more
And sometimes you wonder what you love her for
She says you've known her deepest fears
Cause she's shown you a box of stained-glass tears
It can't be all, the truth about the rain is how it falls,
how it falls, how it falls
But when she gave you more to find
You let her think she'd lost her mind and that's all on you
Feeling helpless if she asked for help or scared
you'd have to change yourself
And you can't deny this room will keep you warm
You can look out of your window at the storm
But you watch the phone and hope it rings
You'll take her any way she sings, or how she calls,
the beauty of the rain is how it falls,
how it falls, how it falls
How it falls, how it falls, how it falls

Icylyrics
Loreena McKennitt - Marrakesh Night Market
They're gathered in circles the lamps light their faces
The crescent moon rocks in the sky
The poets of drumming keep heartbeats suspended
The smoke swirls up and then it dies
Would you like my mask?
would you like my mirror?
cries the man in the shadowing hood
You can look at yourself
you can look at each other
or you can look at the face of your god
The stories are woven and fortunes are told
The truth is measured by the weight of your gold
The magic lies scattered on rugs on the ground
Faith is conjured in the night market's sound
Would you like my mask?
would you like my mirror?
cries the man in the shadowing hood
You can look at yourself
you can look at each other
or you can look at the face of your god
The lessons are written on parchments of paper
They're carried by horse from the river Nile
says the shadowy voice
In the firelight, the cobra is casting the flame a winsome smile
Would you like my mask?
would you like my mirror?
cries the man in the shadowing hood
You can look at yourself
you can look at each other
or you can look at the face of your god

Tiger
Alanis Morissette - Mary Jane
What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore
It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it
I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream anymore
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for
Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading
Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears
You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you
So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
So Keep warm my dear, keep dry
Tell me
Tell me
What's the matter Mary Jane...
____________________________________________________________

It's Weird in My Head Again

Blazngfyre
Sheryl Crow - Steve McQueen
Well I went to bed in Memphis
And I woke up in Hollywood
I got a quarter in my pocket
And I'd call you if I could
But I don't know why
I gotta fly
I wanna rock and roll this part
I still wanna have some fun
I wanna leave you feeling breathless
Show you how the west was one
But I gotta fly
I gotta fly
Like Steve McQueen
All I need's a fast machine
I'm gonna make it all right
Like Steve McQueen
Underneath your radar screen
You'll never catch me tonite
I ain't takin' shit off no one
Baby that was yesterday
I'm an all American rebel
Making my big getaway
Yeah you know it's time
I gotta fly Like Steve McQueen
All I need's a fast machine
I'm gonna make it all right
Like Steve McQueen
Underneath your radar screen
We got rockstars in the Whitehouse
All our popstars look like porn
All my heroes hit the highway
They don't hang out here no more
You can call me on my cell phone
You can page me all night long
But you won't catch this freebird
I'll already be long gone
Like Steve McQueen
All we need's a fast machine
And we're gonna make it all right

Simply Satisfied
Sarah McLachlan - Possession
Listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning,
memories trapped in time
the night is my companion,
and solitude my guide
would I spend forever here
and not be satisfied?
And I would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away and after,
I'd wipe away the tears just close your eyes dear
Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word
to find the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive
And I would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away and after,
I'd wipe away the tears just close your eyes dear
Into this night I wander
it's morning that I dread
another day of knowing
of the path I fear to tread
oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied
and I would be the one to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away and after,
I'd wipe away the tears just close your eyes...

Magdala
Beth Orton - Central Reservation (Then Again Version)
Running down a central reservation in last nights red dress,
And I can still smell you on my fingers and taste you on my breath;
Stepping through brilliant shades,
All the color you bring,
This time, this time, this time,
Is fine just as it is.
Today is whatever I want it to mean,
Today is whatever I want it to mean.
Is this where memories are made,
Well, dreams do come true.
Everything I ever took for granted,
I want to see it through.
I step through every shade,
Any color you bring,
Cause this time, this time, this time,
Is fine just as it is.
Today is whatever I want it to mean,
Today is whatever I want it to mean.
It's like living in the middle of the ocean,
With no future, no past,
And everything that's good right now,
Well, I don't wish for it to last.
I'll step through brilliant shades,
Every color you bring,
Cause this time, this time, this time,
Is fine just as it is.
And today is whatever I want it to mean,
Today is whatever I want it to mean,
Today, today, is whatever I want it to mean,
Today is whatever I want it to mean.
____________________________________________________________
It's Weird in My Head

I recently realized that many of my favorite bloggers have theme music. At least in my head. There is a certain song I associate with just about all of you. So...over the next few days I'm going to list them. Some have obvious reasons, others I haven't quite figured out the connection. But any way...here goes.

Brisen
Lucinda Williams - Righteously
You don't have to prove
Your manhood to me constantly
I know you're the man
can't you see
I love you
Righteously
Why you wanna dis me
After the way you been kissin' me
After those pretty things you say
And the love we made today
When you run your hand
All up and run it back down my leg
Get excited and bite my neck
Get me all worked up like that
Think this through
I laid it down for you everytime
Respect me I give you what's mine
You're entirely way too fine
Arms around my waist
You get a taste of how good this can be
Be the man you ought to tenderly
Stand up for me
Flirt with me don't keep hurtin' me
Don't cause me pain
Be my lover don't play no game
Just play me John Coltrane

Buffalo
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Lodi
Just about a year ago, I set out on the road,
Seekin' my fame and fortune, lookin' for a pot of gold.
Things got bad, and things got worse,
I guess you will know the tune.
Oh ! Lord, Stuck in Lodi again.
Rode in on the Greyhound,
I'll be walkin' out if I go.
I was just passin' through, must be seven months or more.
Ran out of time and money, looks like they took my friends.
Oh ! Lord, I'm stuck in Lodi again.
The man from the magazine said I was on my way.
Somewhere I lost connections, ran out of songs to play.
I came into town, a one night stand, looks like my plans fell through
Oh ! Lord, Stuck in Lodi again.
Mmmm...If I only had a dollar, for ev'ry song I've sung.
And ev'ry time I've had to play while people sat there drunk.
You know, I'd catch the next train back to where I live.
Oh ! Lord, I'm stuck in Lodi again.
Oh ! Lord, I'm stuck in Lodi again.

Amethyst
Grant Lee Phillips - Far End of The Night
Buddy some Topeka night
When it’s just you and the road
Seen no tailights there for miles
And nothin’ much but static on the radio
Wasn’t lookin’ to the left
Wasn’t lookin’ to the right
Just kept walking’ like Virginia to the surf
Towards the far end of the night
Time hangs like a noose
Before me
Time stills to a crawl
Grinds so slowly
Heard my own beloved cry
I heard my one beloved moan
What’s the use in all the ache we must endure
I had no good reason why
Time hangs like a noose
Before me
Time stills to a crawl
Grinds so slowly
Not a rail to grasp ahold
Nor a savior there beside
Just kept a walkin’ like Virginia to the surf
Towards the far end of the night
Time hangs like a noose
Before me
Time stills to a crawl
Grinds so slowly
And time hangs like a noose
Around me
_____________________________________________________________

Me Too

Seems like there is a lot of these going around these days so I thought I'd try it.
Unfortunately "Twocents needs" gets me squat.
So I used my given name and then replaced it.

Twocents needs to collect secretary materials
Twocents needs a sanctuary, periodic retreat from the world and long luxurious baths. Twocents needs to be taken care of
Twocents needs to loosen up
Twocents needs to be near and serve
Twocents needs to explore her sexuality and have some intimacy in her life

Directions type "(your name) needs" (with the quotes) into google search. Pick out your favourite responses and post 'em.
_____________________________________________________________

An Intro

I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Jayne of Jayne Says. Please take the time to check her out. She's smart, she's funny and I like the way she thinks. She also posts faster than I can comment but I'm tryin' to catch up.
___________________________________________________________

Peace

I'm finding there is often a common topic amongst bloggers. A topic will be pressing on me only to find it's passing around the world o' blog. Religion, spirituality and acceptance have been a common theme lately.
I recently started taking a tax preparer class so I can make some extra money. The lady teaching the class knows I work at a church and was being very careful of the things she said in front of me. It was obvious, painfully, that she considered me a “church lady” and was monitoring her words. Last week I needed a ride to class and when she offered, I accepted. During the ride we both came to realize we have partied with many of the same people.
A few months ago I ran into a friend from high school that I’d lost touch with over the years. We did the how’s and when’s and where’s but when he found out where I work he didn’t want to be in the same place with me any longer. His reaction couldn’t have been more obvious then if I’d announced I had leprosy when he took a step back and snarled “Oh so you found God.” My answer, “No, I never lost him.”
The thing that amazes me is that the church people and the non-church people are equally leery of one another. My non-church friends try to forget what I do or act like my beliefs are a character flaw they must over look because they love me.
I have two best girlfriends. One is the pastor’s wife and the other is my lover. Neither of them gets to see all of who I am. I love them both dearly and I wish I could let those guards down. The reason I wrote Disclamer was that I hope this can be the place all of me is free. It means a lot that you were excepting.
-------------------------------
Oh by the way Amethyst... I wear my leather jacket to work every day in the winter, along with my jeans and boots. The ladies have learned to deal.
_____________________________________________________________

From Jason

1. What is your current occupation? Administrative Assistant to the Congregation. A lot of words to say I'm their bitch.
2. What color is your underwear? Black lace thongs
3. What are you listening to right now? Howie Day - Collide
4. What was the last thing you ate? Crackers, it's the day before payday and I'm broke.
5. Do you wish on stars? No
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Midnight blue, it was always the first one I wore out.
7. How is the weather right now? Cool, cloudy and threatening rain. We're in for the remains of Tammy.
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Dad, to let me know he's picking up youngest son for dinner.
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes, A whole lot!
10. How old are you today? 35
11.Favorite drink? Diet Mountain Dew, by the gallon, all day.
12. Favorite sport to watch? I would rather watch worms fucking than any sports event.
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Well lets just say I can't remember what color it's supposed to be anymore.
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Wear? Neither. Need? Both
15. Pets? 3 cats, Spot, Fezzik and Fuzzbutt. My daughter has a piss machine poodle named Baby.
16. Favorite month? September
17. Favorite food? Any thing fried....hence the back up beeper on my ass.
18. What was the last movie you watched? Meet the Fockers - Assssss Hoooollleee.
19. Favorite day of the year? Ash Wednesday, during the service we write down our flaws that we would like to work on during the next year and the Pastor burns them and used the ashes for invocation. It's cleansing and introspective.
20. What do you do to vent anger? I don't which is why I'm developing an ulcer.
21. What was your favorite toy as a child? A Heinz ketchup bike. Really.. it was way cool!
22. Fall or Spring? Fall
23. Hugs or kisses? Hugs...a lot more personal.
24. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry.. they come into season in June, my birth month. When I was little my Mom made me a blueberry torte every year for my birthday.
25. When was the last time you cried? Tuesday, after yet another fight with Meenie. I only cry when I'm alone.
26. What is on the floor of your closet? All of my clothes
27. What is under your bed? All of my shoes
28. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Jody, My jewish princess.
29. What did you do last night? Dishes, dinner, laundry.
30. Favorite smell? Leather and sex. Preferably together
31. What inspires you? Joyful elderly people
32. What are you afraid of? Rats!!!!
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese, and bacon. And onion and pickle and mayo and lettuce.
34. Favorite car? I don't have one
35. Favorite dog breed? Black lab. Unfortunately I'm allergic to dogs.
36. Number of keys on your key ring? 13
37. How many years at your current job? 4+
38. Favorite day of the week? Saturday, I duck pin bowl badly.
39. How many states have you lived in? Just one
40. What magazines do you subscribe to? None, most of them are trash anyway.
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Irish bookie withdraws 'Last Supper' ad

From September 2005

2005-09-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

The Disclaimer

It’s been in my mind awhile now to write this and I kept putting it off. It’s just one of those things I don’t mention in polite conversations. No, it has nothing to do with sex… those things I’ll tell you about in minute detail…no shame there. This is more personal. Maybe if I print it in really small letters… here goes….

I’m a Christian.

Woo that was hard.

See I avoid saying it cause I don’t want to be associated with those people. For years I told every one I was an atheist just so I wouldn’t be thought of as one of them, those nosey judgmental bible thumping freaks. You know the type. I never stopped talking to God the whole time though. I work in a Lutheran (ELCA) church these days. Proof for me that God has a sense of humor.

Now that I’ve gotten that out it the open please let me say…I don’t care about your spiritual beliefs. I’m not going to try to “convert” you. I don’t want you to change in anyway. If I say I’m going to pray for you and prayer offends you, please kindly change the word to something that suits your life. My intentions are good. If I happen to say God and you don’t like that then read it as Buddha, Allah, Bob (love that one) or freakin’ snickerdoodle. I don’t care. My beliefs are mine. I have no opinions about your morality and mine would shock most of the people I know.

Thank you for allowing me to come out of the closet… for the second time in my life.
________________________________________________________________

My inner child is six years old!

Look what I can do! I can walk, I can run, I can
read! I like to do stuff, and there's a whole
big world out there to do it in. Just so long
as I can take my blankie and my Mommy and my
three best friends with me, of course.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

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I'd rather be in bed.
Legs intertwined.
Drifting up from sleep
Wiggling in just the right way to get your attention,
cause ya know...
I need some attention too.
Spooned, thighs touching,
front to back.
A moan
A stretch
"Oh I'm sorry did that wake you?"
Arch of my back
Rise of my hips
"Oh, you are awake aren't you!"

Yes...
you...
are...
oh ...
yes...
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PMS

1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Pack My Stuff
....and my favorite one..
12. Potential Murder Suspect

And as an example
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I'm sorry. What was your question?

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Happy Half Mile

Scientists have determined that the average time of intercourse lasts 4 minutes.

The average number of strokes is 9 per minute, making the average intercourse 36 strokes.

Since the average length of a penis is 6 inches the average girl receives 216 inches or 18 feet per intercourse.

The average girl does it about three times a week, 52 weeks annually.156 x 18 feet makes 2808 feet or just over a half of a mile.

So, are you getting your half mile every year?

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I'm gone... outta here. Leaving first thing in the morning for Ocean City, MD. Beaches and Bikes! Hell yeah and don't forget the bikinis!

0 kids + 2 men+ 2 women / 2 beds = 3 days of sun and surf , 2 nights of freaky lovin'.

Any one care to join?

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No One Has to Die...This Time.
The computer is reformatted and running fine. I lost a few things but the majority was backed up. No great loss. Thank you all for the support. I'm not too particular about most things but apparently I am more protective of my computer than I realized.

Now on to the WTF of the day

Inventor denies using dead cats for fuel

"I’ve never used cats and would never think of that. At most the odd toad may have jumped in.”

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There is a Reason it's Called a PERSONAL Computer!!
I know in my mind he didn't break it or deliberately harm it in anyway. But my heart thinks otherwise. It's screaming Monster! and Killer! I know that he feels responsible for the loss and is trying to "fix" it for me but I really wish he's get the FUCK OFF MY MACHINE! I AM the computer person in this family. You know nothing. Don't call your friends. They know nothing. It's my machine. My baby. I'll nurse it back or euthanize it as I see fit. Just because I have TITS does NOT mean I'm tech incompetent! If I need a professional opinion I'll hire one. Your buddy Jimmie Bob does NOT count as a professional just because he sells so called rebuilt computers. I've cleaned up his work twice now. He IS AN IDIOT!!!! Thank you.

Now kindly remove your hand from my mouse and get out of my way.

Sigh

______________________________________________

Some times it takes me a while to think things through. I have to turn it in my mind, touching the little edges and burrs, really feeling the texture and heft.

Buffalo wrote an entry over the weekend called The World is Gray. I read it that day and then again several times over several days. I had to find my point of reference I suppose. It was just so fresh in my mind that I had come through my own gray.

Please go read it. I'll wait.

The thing about the gray is that it can be comforting in it's own way. It's soft and sheltering and no one much bothers you when you're there. No one really knows how to get that beacon in to you even if they have been in the gray themselves. It's a personal space all your own. Days run together in the gray, you don't know the time or the place when the light will find you again. It's hard to remember when you're in the gray what light looks like or that it will fine you again.
Then one day....the sun shines and colors glow. You know the gray will be back but some how it doesn't matter in that perfect moment.

And then all too soon

"The world is gray. The world is silent. The world has no flavor. You call out in anguish until your voice is hoarse. Slowly, haltingly, timidly, fearfully you begin to search. After an eternity you see a dim light. Your heart leaps, and then slows again. Do you go toward the light or do you go away from it."

Yes, I go for the light.
Every Time.
Some times those perfect moments are all that keep me alive.

_______________________________________________________________

It's Alive!!

From August 2005

2005-08-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Through the Fog

I'm still alive, finding joy where I can. Little things these days. A song that I just have to sing along with. A baby that really sees me. Being flirted with by a little boy cause that's what little boys do. The soft molasses cookies I have hidden in my cupboard. My cats being happy to see me at the end of the day. It's all good.

__________________________________________________________

Gotta Song Stuck

Sleeping With The Lights
Teitur

I’ve been haunted by this old ghost before
I want to hear your voice you know it’s been so long
Like a dancing wave you balance on the shore
It would feel so good to see your face again

I still sleep with the lights on
I still stay up late alone
I still love another one
I still sleep with the lights on

We both understand we got no way back
Our love was strange in a strange land
We got broken wings we were bound to fall
Until the sun comes up you can hold my hand

I still sleep with the lights on
I still stay up late alone
I still love another one
I still sleep with the lights on

Take it easy, take it slow
Let’s just watch the tides they grow
The wind is coming from the side
We are sleeping in the light
Feel like waking up in your house some day
Or eating off your hand like a bird astray
But nothing’s gonna change, we’ll still be the same
We’ve said what’s to say, nothing’s buried nowhere

I still sleep with the lights on
I still stay up late alone
I still love another one
I still sleep with the lights on
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Belief-O-Matic

I stole this from someone else and I can't remember who anymore. My apologies.

Belief-O-Matic Even if you don't know what faith you are, Belief-O-Matic™ knows. Answer 20 questions about your concept of God, the afterlife, human nature, and more, and Belief-O-Matic™ will tell you what religion (if any) you practice...or ought to consider practicing.

Warning: Belief-O-Matic™ assumes no legal liability for the ultimate fate of your soul.

1. Liberal Quakers (100%)
2. Reform Judaism (100%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (98%)
4. Neo-Pagan (94%)
5. Bahá'í Faith (90%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (88%)
7. New Age (85%)
8. Sikhism (83%)
9. Hinduism (78%)
10. Mahayana Buddhism (77%)
11. Orthodox Judaism (75%)
12. New Thought (74%)
13. Scientology (73%)
14. Jainism (70%)
15. Theravada Buddhism (66%)
16. Orthodox Quaker (61%)
17. Secular Humanism (61%)
18. Islam (60%)
19. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (58%)
20. Taoism (49%)
21. Seventh Day Adventist (41%)
22. Eastern Orthodox (40%)
23. Roman Catholic (40%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (39%)
25. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (37%)
26. Jehovah's Witness (30%)
27. Nontheist (26%)

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Thou Shalt Not Whine

Many years ago when my kids were much younger I painted a sign for my kitchen and on it I painted the word Thou Shalt Not Whine. I taught my kids that the reason people whine is because they have their wants and needs confused. I'd ask them if they really needed to eat because they were hungry or if they just wanted ice cream because they heard the ice cream man. Do you need new shoes or do you just want those because Jaime down the street got a new pair. Wants are fine and you can have the things you want some times but you have to take care of the needs first.

I decided this past week not to put my whining in words. I have the things I need even if they aren't the way I want them.

We put Meenie back in the hospital yesterday. I don't want to look at the possibility of permanent placement in a home but it may be what she needs. This time she wants to kill me. I don't believe it. I know how close we are when she is fully together. It's just the disease that wants me to die but when it is in control I'm not safe. If she doesn't hurt me then she turns it on herself then she's not safe either.

I need to eat now. I want peanut butter and jelly.

Thank you for the kind words, Bless you all!
_____________________________________________________________

I Need a Do Over.

Malaise, someone somewhere called it malaise. I think of it as the blues or restlessness. I'm sure there are many more names for this condition. The people in my real world would never guess what I'm feeling. It's the week of vacation bible school at work. I helped 45 children tye dye t-shirts the other day. Today we're making English muffin pizza's and glow in the dark posters. I've been bright and cheery with the kids, commiserating with the adults. They have no idea that late at night I wish and pray that I could fall asleep and then maybe not wake back up. I've spent the last few days looking over the choices I've made and wondering what I should have done differently. Questioning myself over and over. I'm so tired. In my soul I'm worn out. I need a do over.

_____________________________________________________________

Idiosyncrasies

Magdala tagged me with a thingy about my idiosyncrasies. Was kinda fun!

I can not stand to have some one messing in my kitchen when I’m cooking. Do not even pick up the spoon to stir the pot. Do not put the tea bags in the water. Do not even think about mentioning the way I do anything being different from your way. No, thank you, I do not want any help!
It is very hard for me to write in a book. I had to make myself learn to use the margins for notes in college. I prefer to use Post-it notes every since then. It was rather traumatic. I cannot throw a book away.
I have to remove the tags from all my shirts because if they rub on my neck too long I get a nasty headache.
I will complain to restaurant managers about poor service. I do not tip for poor service. I have worked those types of jobs and I know it doesn’t take much more effort to do the job well than to give lousy service. I expect a smile, drink refills and courtesy. On the other hand I will over tip and making a point of finding the manager to congratulate good service.
I don’t like to share my paint brushes. The only person allowed to use them is my son, Fred. I showed him how to properly clean, condition and store them to my specifications. No one else in the family even knows where I keep them and I deny their existence if anyone wants to borrow them.

I'm tagging EVERYONE!

If you put it on your blog let me know cause I'm nosey like that!

________________________________________________________

Unfocused

I'm so damn restless I gotta do something with all this energy. Throwing shit out, moving furniture and my body freaking hurts but I can't seem to stop. I don't know where it all came from. I feel like I have to CHANGE something, MOVE something and I can't figure out where to put this need to best use. Dreading going to work tomorrow cause it means a day full of desk work and I don't know that I can do that. I'm not sleeping well. I forgot to eat for a whole day. Maybe just maybe I can wear myself out enough today to really rest tonight.

______________________________________________________________

Queen of Swords

Wow, if this is right I must be a wicked bitch.
Or is that just my cover?

Quiz
created by Polly Snodgrass.
	WATER OF AIR. You're aloof, depressed and seasoned. You'd make a good psychologist, executioner, black widow, arsenic poisoner, heretic queen or commentator. You're too witty for your own good. Have to get up early in the morny morn to fool you, as you spot lies a mile away. And WOE TO THOSE who dare attempt such a stupid move. You're Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, when she cuts Michael's head off. You're Anne Robinson, the host of The Weakest Link!

______________________________________________________________

Calamine? Riiiight!

I have poison ivy.
On my neck.
And now it's spreading down my arms and chest.
I itch.

We trimmed up the yard a bit on Friday so we could use the grill and tables for Meenies party. I remembered to wash my hands and face very well because I get poison. I forgot I'd scratched my neck prior to washing my hands.

From July 2005

2005-07-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Baby Girl
Meenie is 16 today.
Where the hell has the time gone?
____________________________________________

I Suck

All right get your minds out of the gutter. Well no. Don't. I kinda like ya'll there.

But I wasn't talking about sex THIS time.

I've spent the last few days getting caught up on everyone's blogs and I've realized something. I suck at commenting. I like getting them. I think most of you like getting them. I just suck at giving good comment. I rarely think of anything witty or pertinent at the time. What happens is I wake up at 3 AM the next morning with a snappy come back. Several hours and some times a few posts too late. Shit.
________________________________________________________

I Need A Vacation From My Vacation

I missed reading every one. Give me a few days to get caught up again. I had the computers at home torn down so I'm just getting back to read up and post. Looks like a few of my favorites have taken a break or left us all hanging permanently.

Bent? Elijah? Guys, come on back here now.

Oh and Blaze.... I love coming back to THAT! You've inspired me in more ways than one.

My vacation wasn't as productive as I would have liked. I got Meenies room done last week thought. It's Picasso blue with a midnight blue ceiling. We glazed the ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stars. Looks way cool! Some new furniture and she is one happy young lady. Did a lot of fishing. Reformatted my uncles computer. Got some cleaning done. Slept and ate a lot.

Then there was Saturday night spent with Bob and Lori. Oh yeah! I love to make her moan. Thighs wrapped around my shoulders, grinding into my face. Damn sweet! She has this little belly, just as sexy as can be, I can't help but rest my head on it from time to time. You know.. to let her catch her breath. It's not love and it's not lust. She and I just mesh. I know her sounds and she knows my weaknesses. I love her taste. She loves the feel of my skin in her hand. I understand her girlish giggles and she knows how to make it hurt just right. Of course I can't forget the guys. Ron let Bob in on a few of my milder kinks so Bob bought a paddle with fur on one side. The two of them took turns holding my hands over my head. Belt, paddle and fur until I couldn't think any more. And that was just the warm up. MMM what a night!

Had this stuck in my head all day.......

You think this life would make me bolder
But I'm running scared is all
I hang on everything about you.
You think I'd settle down cuz I'm older
But I roll with the change is all
I'm same old trailer trash in new shoes.

____________________________________________________________

YEEHAW!
I'm on vacation! Don't have to be back at work until the 25th. Yay for me!

I might not be around much over the next week but I'll check in when I can. We're not going away but I'm going to get caught up on some house work and repairs so I'll be pretty busy. I'm going to see Aaron Tippen on Tuesday at the County Fair with some girlfriends. That should be fun. Oh and you know I'll be fishing...a lot.

Kisses to ya'll!!!
_______________________________________________________

For Fun....
This was stolen from Monkey's Place.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. What brings you here?
5. Why do you keep coming back?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When’s the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

_________________________________________________________________

Shameless Plug
If you get a chance please check out Just Idunna. She has created some beautiful pieces of jewlery and will also take custom orders.
_______________________________________________________

What a Week!

Eenie has moved out. It's been fun watching him learn his way around the adult world...very rapidly! He is living with his girlfriend, Minnie. She's a sweet girl and not so surprisingly is a lot like me at her age. They came to visit yesterday and I realized I was doing the same things my parents and in-laws have done with me for years. "Here, take some dinner with you if you won't eat here." "Do you have enough toilet paper?" "Do you need food? Are you sure? Take this anyway!" I think I can get used to having an adult kid. I get to be Mom in very short, intense bursts. No grand kids yet though, please God!

We spent the 4th in Rio (Rye-O) West Virginia. There was a convoy of about 7 vehicles going to a farm belonging to our extended/adopted family. The whole line made a wrong turn into a drive way in the middle of BFE. Several people commented later we were luck not to be shot. This was not the kind of area to wander onto someones' property uninvited. All in all it was a great picnic complete with a roasted pig. We came back to the city for the fireworks and a late night backyard gathering.

I spent Tuesday night reformatting Eenies computer and last night working on Freds. We're upgrading them to XP Pro and adding Fred to the home network. Some time this weekend I'm switching us over to DSL from cable. Wish me luck.

We're having a garage sale on Saturday to get rid of anything Eenie can't fit into his new place. Once the room is empty, it'll become my sewing room. Finally! I haven't been able to do any real sewing or painting in almost 3 years. I've had to make room in the basement. Not the most welcoming place to be creative.

Please note I've added two new bloggers. Sandmonkey and Icylyrics. Please check them out if you have time. Both are intelligent, articulate and witty. I've also added a link to Overheard in New York for a good daily laugh.
______________________________________________________

All in Fun....

Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A Motto? I Got Yer Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep know it!

From June 2005

2005-06-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Gone Fishin'

The poles are in the trunk of the car. The lanterns are filled and the tackle box is ready. I have worms and livers in the cooler ready to go. My favorite fishing hat is on the bedpost. Soon as work is over, I'm gone and I ain't taking my cell phone!

Don't care what I catch, the water soothes me. I'll sleep good tonight and tomorrow I might just go again.

I used to hate fishing. My ex used it as a reason to get drunk and mean. He made fun of me cause I wasn't good at casting. Among other things.

Ron taught me to cast. Now he says I'm better than him because I can use an open face reel and get it to go where I want. Back handed, with my eyes closed. I like to show off when other guys are around. He brags to them about me.

See ya' ll later... my inner kid's gonna go play!
___________________________________________________________

June 27, 1970

It's my birthday, woo hoo for me!

I'm thirty five today. I took the day off from work to get a little "me" time. A very smart man suggested the idea to me so I took his advise. Slept til 11 this morning....Sigh! Tonight I'm going to my favorite restaurant for dinner. I think I'm going to clean out my closet today. I know that doesn't sound like fun or relaxation but I'm looking forward to getting rid of the clothes that are too big. Then I'll spend my birthday money refilling it with things that do fit!

I think maybe this birthday is part of my restlessness. I'm not where I wanted to be in my life and nothing has turned out the way I thought it would. Time to "shit or get off the pot" as my Pap used to say. My kids are growing up so fast and I wonder what I'll have when they're gone. How will I identify myself if not as their mom?

Eenie is moving out on Saturday. He rented the U-Haul today. I'm so excited for him! There's a whole list of firsts coming up for him. I raised him to be an adult and he's making me proud. Meenie is doing really well. We've gotten a lot of help with her and she's blossoming with the new meds. She has a light in her eyes I have never seen. Fred is away all week at the local college. They have a 6 week summer program for high schoolers. Eenie finished all 4 years and Fred's following in his foot steps. He just comes home on the weekends so I'm getting a taste of what it'll be like once he's grown too.

Guess I'll go get dressed now and start on that closet.....
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Welcome to White Trash Hell

I'm going to a wedding today. It's an obligation kind of thing. My friend Lori's brother is getting married and she begged me to be there for support. Let me give you a run down of the key players and some history.

Turd is Lori's piece of shit brother. He can't hold a job, drinks all the time and beats his soon to be bride and their collection of children. He get overly friendly with me every time he can.

Troll is the bride and live-in of Turd for the past 14 years. She really does resemble a troll and in true white trash tradition has none of her front teeth anymore. Turd has hit her enough to cause them to fall out. She also beats the children but has managed to keep her job at the local supermarket.

Danni is Lori and Turd's mom. She's a nice lady in general. She also dated my Uncle C for many years. She has since married a sweet man named JD.

My Uncle C dated/lived with Danni off and on for years. He is an usher at the wedding and will be escorting the Groom's mom (Danni) down the aisle.

Then there are Turd and Trolls 7 children ranging from 14 to 2. Four of them are biologically Turd's, two are from affairs Troll had during their tumultuous 14 year relationship and the oldest boy, age 14, is the product of a consensual incestuous relationship Troll had with her father when she was 17. She brags about it. The second oldest who is 13, will be attending the festivities wearing an ankle bracelet from the local Juvi Dept. He's been on house arrest for the last 6 months for theft and assaulting the younger children. Three of the youngest children receive assistance for various mental problems.

The entire family has been living in a local church for the last 8 or 9 months because they lost their house to foreclosure. They are no longer allowed to live at the local homeless shelters, rental projects or Section 8 homes because they destroy every house they have ever lived in. The pastor at the church bought a house and is renting it to them with the stipulation they must get married. His wife has paid for the brides gown and most of the decorations.

I'm expecting there to be at least one fist fight and I've considered advising the local police to be on stand-by. Ron asked me why I was going. All I could say was that it's like a train wreck, you just have to look.

_______________________________________________________________

Restless.

Delayed Spring Fever maybe?

I don't know.

I'm so far behind at work I may never catch up. Days kinda run together until I notice its Thursday when I would have sworn yesterday was just Monday. Is there anything really wrong? No. Just...restless.

I'm not sleeping well. My brain is running all the time. I spend more time thinking than doing. I think change is coming but I don't know where or when. Just...restless.

I forget to eat or I catch myself bingeing. Not good for me either way but I seem helpless to fix it. I crave crunchy things and veggies but I "forget" to buy them. Hormonal? Possibly but mostly just...restless.

I want sex but it gets to be bedtime and I just don't reach over there. I wake up frustrated, longing for it but I can't bring myself to speak up. Am I setting myself up to be angry or disappointed? Or am I just...restless.

Everything's out of sorts just under the surface and no one is feeling it but me.
_______________________________________________________________

Good Day

Yesterday was Ron's 39th birthday. When he got home from work he was surprized to find lots of friends and family.

and gifts...

and large amounts of....

It was very late when the festivities ended and we were both late for work this morning.

He said the hangover was worth it!

_______________________________________________________________

AC and Monkey Lovin'

What more can I say, both have made me a very contented woman. We've been putting off using the air conditioner at home to save money but in the interest of marital harmony they have been turned on. In celebration, we did things that left bruises and made the neighbors dog howl. Woo Hoo for me!!!
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I Live in the Sauna State, Just North of Armpit, West Virginia

HOT...HOT...HUMID...RAIN...MORE HOT...MORE HUMID...MORE RAIN!!! ARRGGG

In cold weather you can always put on more clothes or grab a warm body to snuggle up with but in hot weather all you can do is get naked and you can only get so naked. Naked can be good unless you're so sweaty you stick to the body next to you
and the bed clothes
and the furniture
and the floor
and......
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I Hate Summer

I'm sure that shocks some people. It's like saying I hate Granny's apple pie or laughing at Ol' Yellers death. It's almost un-American to hate summer! But you see, I'm just not built for this weather. Somewhere I must have this mutant gene or maybe even a defective gland that prevents me from sweating properly. I just don't sweat much, instead I swell up with fluid until my fingers can't bend any more. The temperature out side reaches 75 and my body decides we're going to die if we don't conserve water. Similar to a camel I have extra storage but mine are in a different area known as CANKLES. Oh and did I mention I have asthma. High humidity makes me wheeze. Have you ever seen a wheezing water balloon? It ain't pretty!

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So, Well, Umm, Hmmm

Ok, enough with the stupid jokes and copied crap. I've been putting this off long enough. I don't have a good reason for the delay. I've had stolen moments here and there. Hell. I've got insomnia 4 nights out of 7, plenty of time to get my sorry ass to the keyboard. If nothing else I've come to except my insecurity. I want to be liked, dammit. I suppose the whole world does, but I tell stories and jokes or worst just become invisible so as not to make some horrific social faux pas. So here I am again. Please excuse the mess.

The oldest boy, Eenie, is moving out. He and The Girl will be renting an apartment from her mom in July. Huge mistake, but what the hell do I know! We've gotten them all the basic housewares and furniture we could, we've offered advise when it's been solicited, and we've told them that they'll be fine. What else is there to do? I raised him to be an adult but I didn't expect that time to get here so soon. I keep having flashes of my little boy and then the next moment I see the man he's become. He's breaking my heart and making me proud.

Meenie's home from the hospital. She's doing ok right now but the whole family is on edge watching her. We don't leave her alone, ever. Fred's joyfully driving me nuts. He can piss me off faster than most anyone on the planet and then make me laugh just before the urge to kill him sets in really good. The other day we were talking about some male star and how he'd really settled down. I told Fred that he'd even gotten married and had kids. The rest follows;

Fred-Who did he have kids with?

Me - His wife, I guess

Fred - Thank you, Captain Obvious. I kind of figured that.

Yep that's my boy.

I discovered wrinkles on my face yesterday, laugh lines around my mouth and a crease between my eyes. I'm turning 35 on the 27th. It's strange because through my twenties I felt so old and now I feel so much younger. I kinda like being this age. If I'd have known thirties were so much better I'd have just skipped the twenties all together. Young guys think I'm a MILF, old guys think I'm a sweet young thing, the hot flashes have saved me a fortune in heating, all the hair on my body is getting finer or just falling out so I don't have to shave as much and the erratic hormones have given me a sex drive like I never had before. The grey hair on my head dyes slightly lighter than the rest so I can use cheap hair color and still look like I use the expensive "multi-tonal" crap and for some unknown reason my nails are growing better. All and all not a bad trade for having to bleach a few things and take a little extra care with my make-up.

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Really Bad Friday Humor

Tim and Anne were making passionate love in Tim's mini van when suddenly Anne, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh fat boy, whip me, whip me!" Tim, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Anne until they both collapses in ecstasy.

About a week later, Anne notices that the marks left by the whipping are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

Anne, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Tim (let alone that she allowed the kinky bastard to whip her) eventually admits that, yes, she did.

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring you've got the worst case of ..........van aerial disease that I've ever seen.

AND

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator'.

From May 2005

2005-05-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Damn, I Hate to Be Predictable

I am a hybrid of:
Girl Next Door
Progressive Girl
Click on the pictures below to read more:

Take the 'What Kind of Girl Are You?' quiz at CookingToHookup.com

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Friday Humor....

Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady ."
Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? " "I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly."
Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?""Ninety-eight." she replied."
Oh, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

AND

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on.The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in.

"P....E....N....I....S.."

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****
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Stolen From Idunna Who Stole it From Nikki Who Stole it From Someone Else

Name: Twocents (like I’m really going to put my name here but I’ll give you a hint…my real name starts with a C)
Gender: Female
Location: Maryland United States
Height: 5’8” barefoot
Hair color: Dark red
Eye color: Green
Is your hair long or short: Shoulder length
Tattoos you have: A dolphin over my left breast

S C H O O L
Are you still in school: No, but I’m seriously thinking about going back this fall.
Favorite subject: Biology
Least favorite subject: History
Did you buy lunch or bring it: I used my lunch money for cigarettes in high school. Didn’t eat much while in college.

F A V O R I T E
Number: 13
Clothing : Jeans and boots
TV show: I don’t watch TV.
Fruit: Pears
Movie: Matrix or Fight Club
Scent: Lavender or Fresh Linen
Ice Cream Flavor: Vanilla (Ironically)
Color: Purple
Season: Fall
Holiday: Halloween
Thing in your room: Antique floor length mirror
Author: Stephen King
TV channel: Again…I don’t watch TV
Shape: Round
Time: Midnight
Disney character: None
Scary movie: The Jeepers Creepers movies crack me up. The Exorcist still gives me nightmares so I’ll never watch it again.

T H I S O R T H A T
Hot or cold: Cold
Winter or summer: Winter
Spring or fall: Fall
Black or white: Black
Orange or red: Red
Yellow or green: Green
Purple or pink: Purple
Cell phone or pager: Cell
Powerpuff Girls or Charlie’s Angels: Oh gag…. neither!!!

Y E S O R N O
Are you a vegetarian: I didn’t claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.
Do you like cows: For dinner yes.....otherwise they scare me a bit.
Are you a bitch: I can be if needed.
Are you artistic: So I’ve been told.
Do you write poetry: Not any more.
Can you ski: Nope
Are you British: No
Are you straight: No
Are you evil: No!

P R I V A T E
Have you ever been in love: Yes
Do you smoke: Yes
Do you smoke weed: Nope not any more. (Ron’s in law enforcement)
Crack, heroin, anything else: Had a nasty pill habit in school.
Beer good or beer bad: Beer is bad
Are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: Wine coolers suck.

T H E L A S T
Thing you ate: Star-Kist Fruit Gems
Thing you drank: Diet Mountain Dew
Place you went: Work
Thing you got pierced/tattooed: My left breast
Song you heard: Your Body is a Wonderland – John Mayer
Person you instant messaged: Ron
Person you laughed with: The boss

N O W
What are you eating: Nothing
What are you drinking: Diet Mountain Dew
Any shoes on: Yes
Hair: Banana clip
Listening to: Everybody Wants You – Josh Kelley
Talking to anyone: Nope

L A S T
Last Cigarette: About an hour ago
Last Alcoholic Drink: Can’t remember but I’m drinking tonight.
Last Car Ride: Last night, just to think
Last Good Cry: Good cry? What's that?
Last Library Book: Switcheroo – Olivia Goldsmith….and it’s WAY overdue!
Last book bought: A new copy of The Grapes of Wrath, I wore out my old one.
Last Book Read: Stephen King – Song of Susannah
Last Movie Seen in Theatres: Star Trek Nemesis
Last Movie Rented: Meet the Fockers
Last Cuss Word Uttered: Motherfucker
Last Phone Call: The boss (Pastor) called.
Last TV Show: I can’t remember
Last Time Showered: Bedtime last night.
Last Shoes Worn: Old white sneakers that I’m still wearing.
Last CD Played: Rob Thomas – Something to Be
Last Item Bought: Cigs and soda
Last Download: Rose graphic for a work project
Last Annoyance: Dog piss on the floor
Last Thing Written: This list
Last Key Used: Office door
Last Sleep: Last night
Last Ice Cream Eaten: A Blue Bunny ice cream sandwich on Saturday
Last Chair Sat In: Desk chair
Last Webpage Visited: Idunna
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Hey Helen.....

What/who is the longest friendship you have ever maintained?
What do you love most about your job? Hate the most?
Do you think you’re more like your mom or dad and why?
Where would you go and what would you do on your dream vacation?
You have said “Women, on the whole, intimidate me”. Specifically what intimidates you and why?

Blog-A-Thon Instructions:Here’s how it works:Leave a comment saying "interview me" if you’d like to be interviewed. I’ll respond by asking you 5 questions here. They’ll be different than those above. Update your blog with your answers to the questions. When you do so, include this same explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same manner. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you’ll ask them five new questions.

Go here for her answers

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Rumors of My Demise have been Greatly Exaggerated!

I'm still here.
Life is still being a bitch in places and damn sweet in others. We put Meenie back in the hospital on Monday and now we're looking at some long term residential facilities for her. She just need more care than we can provide right now. I'm a good mom but I'm not a doctor/psychiatrist/councilor/...etc. Her illness felt like a failure to me for a while, like maybe if I'd just been BETTER this wouldn't be happening to her. I think I'm a little more accepting this time. Her illness has rippled over my life in places I didn't even think about though. Money is tight from having to run up and down the road to see her, eating meals on the run. My house looks like a hurricane ripped through and I have laundry piled all over the place. I just don't have time to get anything done.

Helen, I'll have your questions over the weekend
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Is it Friday Yet?

At 85 years of age, Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves.
Luanne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again. Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Luanne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

AND

For those with No children---this is totally hysterical!
For those who already have children past this age---this is hilarious.
For those who have children this age---this is not funny.
For those who have children nearing this age---this is a warning.
For those who have not yet had children---this is birth control.

Things I've learned from my children
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000-sq. ft. house four inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late. (No matter how old the child!)
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin, TX, has a 5-minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!' The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes

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Questions and Answers

Buffalo
1. When was the time you felt the best about yourself and why?
2. In your opinion, what are the high and low points of blogging?
3. What is your favorite cartoon character?
4. What would you most like to accomplish in this lifetime?
5. I always cry (actually sob) at fireworks. Do you have any unusual emotional reactions to specific things?

Elijah
Rule number one. Don't talk about Fight Club.

That said, I loved the movie and the book. If I were a man I would fight, I'd be one of the fools running around black and blue. There is primal need to beat the living shit out of something and men have become overly domesticated anyway. (bet I hear about that one!)

Of course, I like Quentin Tarantino movies too so what do I know......
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Highs and Lows

1. Meenie will be released from the hospital on Wednesday evening. The new meds are beginning to quiet the voices in her head. We're hoping she can return to school soon but I'm not sure she's ready yet. I feel like her hospitalization has been a good thing in many ways. We have a better sense of what we're dealing with, the family has gotten a break and she's gotten the counseling and medical supports she's been needing.

There's a part of me that is afraid. Not of her but for her. She may not be able to cope in the real world and that's not something I've ever wanted to consider for her. My daughter is hurt somewhere that I can't reach to kiss. It makes my heart hurt and fills me with rage. I want to hit some one, make them hurt like this too. I suspect she was molested as a little girl but I can't prove it. She doesn't seem to remember but there's something, mother's instinct maybe. Or maybe I'm looking for an explanation or just some one to blame.

I told some friends of ours who have a similarly disabled child that the doctors need to medicate the entire family when a child is diagnosed with a psychiatric disorder.

2. For the first time in years my husband and I are actually "together" rather then the roomies we were 6 months ago. He's grown so much in the last few weeks I feel like some days my old husband has been replaced with my personal version of a Stepford Husband. He said "Oh you want me to lead then? You want me to be the D to your s? " And then he started to change. He says that he feels more confidence, that he really likes the new us. I think in some ways I've had a harder time adapting. In fact I've gotten my figurative and literal ass smacked more that once for forgetting who's in charge these days.

I feel so soft and feminine. He's picked out new clothes for me. Sexy things and soft girlie things. He had me color my hair to cover the grey because he says I'm too young for them. But more than anything I feel pretty.

The sex has been amazing but that'll have to wait. I've got to get back to work now.

3. I'm going to spend the next few days catching up on my blogreading and getting caught up here. I've missed reading everyone and I think I owe Buffalo some questions. (If your still interested.)

Hugs and kisses ya'll.
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Friday Humor...Several Days Late!

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy? Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first." "What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet." The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your feet?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh ! God, I'm coming!" "If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

The Nun fainted....

AND

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young punk walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue and yellow. The old man just stared. Every time the punk looked, the old man was staring at him. The punk finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter, old timer?Never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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Notes from the Funny Farm

Meenie's still in the hospital. I've made 3 road trips there in 4 days. It's an hour and a half away so most of my weekend was spent in a car. She didn't have a good weekend at all but is doing better today. Saturday night she ended up sedated and in the quiet room. Same thing for Sunday night. She was biting herself, writing on the walls and slamming her body into the glass to try and get out. Last night she did ok so she was given some privileges back. The doctors are playing with her meds and have added an anti-psychotic called Abilify. It seems she may have schizophrenia. She's told the doctor that some times she hears voices that tell her to hurt herself or to hurt others. Fucking wonderful! If the new meds do the trick she should be home by the end of the week.

A lot of her anger is directed to Fred. I'm really worried about him. He says he understands that it's her illness saying those things (ie: she wants to kill him!) but the poor kid is 14. It's a lot for me to comprehend so how the hell can he get it.

I want to thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I cried when I finally got here to read them. I never knew there were so many loving people in the world. It means so much just to know that I was missed.

From April 2005

2005-04-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Friday Humor

Little Red Riding Hood was skipping thru the forest on her way to Grandma's house. While she was skipping along she spied the Big Bad Wolf crouched behind a log. She said, "Ah, Big Bad Wolf, what big eyes you have." With that the Big Bad Wolf jumped up and ran away in the woods. Continuing on her way, Little Red Riding Hood spied the Big Bad Wolf a few moments later hiding behind a bush. She said, "Ah, Big Bad Wolf, what big ears you have." The Big Bad Wolf jumped up again and ran off into the woods. About ten minutes later, Little Red Riding Hood saw the Big Bad Wolf yet again! This time he was crouched behind a big rock. She said, "Big Bad Wolf, what big teeth you have!"With this, the Big Bad Wolf stood up and yelled, "Listen bitch! Can I get some privacy? I am trying to take a shit!"

AND

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting their kids overnight, when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills, and the son said I don'tthink you should take one; they're very strong and very expensive."How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pill answered the son. I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one, and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill." The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma."

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Still Here

We admitted Meenie to a psychiatric hospital yesterday. The doctors want to run a ton of tests and play with her medication a little. She still says she wants to hurt herself and that she wants to die. They think she may have borderline personality disorder (gee ya think?). It's sad to say but there's a small part of me that's relieved to have her in the hospital just to get a break from the chaos she brings to the family.

Thank all of you for the sweet comments.

It means a lot to me, more than any of you may ever know.
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Meenie

I am taking my daughter to the hospital this evening for a psychiatric evaluation. I received a call this afternoon from her councilor at school to inform me that Meenie is suicidal, she has a plan and may need to be admitted to a hospital. Please send good thoughts.

Meenie is a 2 months shy of 16. She's also mildly retarded. Enough that she knows what she can't do and that she's different but not enough to prevent her from having a life or learning the things she needs to know. She also has chronic depression that, I suspect, is a symptom of her anxiety disorder. Plus she's a cutter. She is an amazing girl and can push my buttons faster that any other person on the planet.

This isn't the first time we've done this. She was in a hospital about a year ago for the same thing. I don't think she wants to die but I'm afraid she'll hurt her self badly enough that she will die.

To those I owe email and the sort, I'll be back soon.
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Friday Humor

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few puffs. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the shore, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while trying to get a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"The Monkey looks down and says "Fuuuck! Dude!.......How much water'd you drink?!!"

AND

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the poolman and your brother."

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For Hotspur

Where do you expect to be seven years from now? (In any or all life aspects.)

What do you wish you had more time in your daily life to do.

If you were to run for a political office what would your slogan and platform be?

What are your prejudices?

You've been given the chance to view the last 10 minutes of your life. Will you watch and why / why not?
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For Pirate

1.What is the best thing you've done as a parent? (Besides giving them life) What is the biggest mistake?

2. Name the fictional character you identify with the most and explain why.

3. You've been granted a super power that will only last for 24 hours. What is it and what will you do with it in that time.

4. If your life had a soundtrack what songs would be on it and what parts of you life would each represent.

5. If you could give each of your children any one thing, what would it be

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The Blog-A-Thon Continues

My Blog-A-Thon questions from Theresa

1. Your Fairy Love Goddess graces you with a magical swat on the rump with the Little Red Riding Crop. You find yourself on the set of a TV sitcom loosely based on your life. What's it called and what's it all about? (how's it doing in the ratings?)

Thank you Fairy Love Goddess!

First of all, I think any sitcom based on my life would have to be on either HBO or Showtime. The networks would never be allowed to run some of the details. I'll call it "A Tale of Two Lives" On the surface our lead is an ultra-cool mom raising three teens and living with her slightly clueless husband. She works in a church and looks like any other thirty something woman. Cooking, cleaning, shopping the usual average mom routine. Then we have the rest of her life in which she is a bisexual wanna-be submissive who shares another couple with her not so clueless husband. She spends a lot of time in her head having thoughts that would shock most of the people around her, so the whole show would be filled with her interior monologues as she goes through her day. Of course, then there's the sex. Imagine the scene...She's at her desk working on the upcoming Sunday bulletin, looking professional and sweet, while in her mind she thinks about the night before with her lovers.

I think it would do well in the rating.

2. You have the opportunity to meet one person, living or dead, for the purpose of telling him/her off. Who do you want to give a piece of your mind to? What would you say to him/her?

I'd love to be able to tell off my father. I don't and never will because I know it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to him. He'd never understand the years of anger I hold toward him. If I thought he could give me an answer though I'd like to know why he spent so much of my childhood expecting me to be an adult when I wasn't ready. Why he felt it necessary to beat me until I lost conscience and body function. What was so offensive about my personality that when I was 16 he drunkenly decided to announce that it was time for "that bitch" to move the fuck out!

3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? (why?) Would your partner choose the same thing? If not, what would he change about you? (why?)

Hmmm, what would I change. I think I'd like to be more motivated. There are things I want to do, see and learn but some times I just drift through life getting by on the minimums. I get distracted too easily or fall in to the depression. I think he would want me to be less emotional and moody. Different angles of the same root cause.

4.You are offered a risk-free miracle drug. The drug has no negative side effects. Once a woman takes the drug she will have perfect hair, nails and make-up for the rest of her life. She will age gracefully and will always look like she just stepped out of the finest salon. The catch? Your hairstyle, nail color, and the way you wear your make-up cannot change once you take the drug. Would you take it? (explain)

I really had to think about this one and I changed my mind three times before I decided I wouldn't take the drug. The only real catch for me was aging gracefully. I know deep down that's one of my fears. I can live with getting older if I end up being one of those ladies that looks timeless and classic into their 70 and 80. I suspect having seen the other women in my family that is not going to be the case.

I didn't want the drug because I know how much my personal style has evolved over my life and that I would be miserable in about a week when I was tired of looking the same. I mean really...I change my make-up and nails every day some times. The thought of spending the rest of my life with pink or red nails...ick.

5.Describe what's on tonight's dinner menu if food is you and your personality.

Maryland Blue Crabs - I am a true Cancer girl after all. Hot and spicy (gotta have the Old Bay) on the out side with a hard protective shell holding in all of the sweet juicy goodness. The insides are solid but very tender and a little flaky at parts.

Blog-A-Thon Instructions:
Here’s how it works:

Leave a comment saying "interview me" if you’d like to be interviewed.
I’ll respond by asking you 5 questions here. They’ll be different than those above.
Update your blog with your answers to the questions.
When you do so, include this same explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same manner.
When others comment asking to be interviewed, you’ll ask them five new questions.
____________________________________________________________

Friday Humor

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

AND

Biologists at the University of Florida have discovered a new species of lizard which has been attacking sunbathers at and near Miami's South Beach. It is believed to primarily attack women, though it has been known to attack effeminate-appearing men. Only one known photograph has been taken of this creature, which is included here for your benefit...

They are calling it the Penisaurus

_____________________________________________________________

Question....

How do you ask your dentist when it's safe to have oral sex again?

____________________________________________________________

"The best thing about pain is it lets you know you're not dead yet."

I'm apparently not dead.

Had two teeth pulled on Thursday. The dentist discovered 3/4 of the way through that I still had an abscess. It's been 5 days of pain and sickness while it's draining slowly. I get chills then I sweat. It's passed in to my sinuses so now I have a infection there as well. I'm on my second series of antibiotic, hopefully this will kill it off.

Ouch.

On a cheerier note!!!
Congratulations to Blazngfyre and WTF on the birth of their son. Go read WTF's tale of Blaze's blatent womanness. His girl is SO the shit, yo!
_______________________________________________________

Friday Humor

Why does a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
A Prostitute can clean her crack and sell it again!

I know... I'm a sick, sick woman and it gets worse.

An elderly woman moves into a nursing home. Her daughter helps her unpack and get settled in. After a few days, the woman notices a male resident who sits out on the porch every day, all by himself. She decides to go over and talk to him.She asks if she can sit with him awhile. He looks at her for a second and says, "Yeah, you can, but only if you'll hold my dick."

At first she's horrified and outraged. But then she thinks, "He's lonely, I'm lonely..." Finally, she agrees. She gets a blanket to put over their laps and she sits next to him every day, holding his dick.

After a few weeks, her daughter comes to take her mother for a weekend visit. When the woman returns to the nursing home, the first thing she sees is the man on the porch next to another elderly woman. They have a blanket across their laps. The first woman knows what the second woman is doing. She storms up the steps and starts yelling at the man.

"What does SHE have that I don't have?!" she screams.

The man just smiles and says, "Parkinson's."
________________________________________________________________

This Week I Have Learned...

That I can be made to squirt when I cum.
That I can be made to beg to stop cumming.
That a hand around my throat makes me cum harder.
The words "Bitch" and "My Slut" whispered in my ear can make certain parts clench.
That there are things I will beg for the privilege of doing.
That I like feeling very feminine all the time.
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Insert Clever Title Here

What a week.....

I have 4 abscessed teeth. Yup that's right they all went at once. I'm on penicillin and enough painkillers to knock out a small zoo. They start pulling Tuesday and I may need a root canal. Oh joy. I have given birth to three children, two "natural" and an emergency C-section. This pain is soooo much worse. I'd pop out 4 or 5 more if some one would promise me I'd never have to experience pain like this again.

The drugs are good though.

On an even more personal note, Ron and I are working some things out. Last week I found out he had read some emails that he was never intended to see. He started asking questions about my sexuality and about what it means when I say I am submissive. So for the first time in a long time I got very honest with him. He was more receptive this time then he ever was before and seems to understand that there's more to me than wanting an occasional smack on the ass during sex. I am hopeful.

We are scheduled to close on the mortgage refinance today. A lower interest rate and better terms YEE HAW!

Hope every one had a good Easter/whatever spring holiday you chose to observe.

“It’s the good girls that keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.” Tallulah Bankhead

From March 2005

2005-03-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Everyday is a Winding Road

I've been swimming in a sea of anarchy
I've been living on coffee and nicotine
I've been wondering if all the things I've seen
Were ever real, were ever really happening

Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer

Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Sheryl Crowe

Things have changed and my world has moved on again.
Some things have changed here as well.
I'm still adapting but I think I'll be ok. Some good things, some not so good things and a few that may change who I am.
________________________________

Random BS

A Day Off
Finally!!! Not that I get to do much for fun. Once I'm done here I've got to clean. A LOT!. We're refinancing our mortgage to get away from the crazy bitch. The appraisal is Tuesday and I'm beginning to panic. I know a little clutter doesn't matter. They keep telling me that........but define clutter. I know what I think of as clutter is the rest of the worlds mess.

Dead Kittens in my Closet
No this is not some strange metaphor. There were real dead kittens in my closet. And I didn't know it until the smell hit me last night.
I've always figured if I'd end up the crazy cat lady of the neighborhood. I have 3 right now ButtUgly, Fezzik and Fuzz. Fuzz is the mother of ButtUgly. Fuzz is actually the mother of many. I can't seem to catch her between litters long enough to get her fixed. Well she got herself knocked up again and went in to labor on Tuesday. She chose my spare closet as her nesting spot. I've learned not to fight a laboring cat about nesting spots. I usually leave her alone the first few days then I'm all over the babies. I firmly believe that often handled kittens make better pets and so far I've been given no reason to not believe.

Well, last night Fred and I were talking in the kitchen as I cooked. He mentioned the new odd smell in the house and asked if I thought it might be a kitten. The light bulb came on! I'd been bitching to Ron for two days about a dead mouse in the walls DUH!! Can you say Dumbass?

Guess who got to clean it up? Four little babies that just were too small.

Got two left though!

The Second Job
Like I need to work more, right? I'm tempted though. It's just a part time bartenders job. There's something appealing to me about saying I'm a church secretary by day and a bartender at night. I like the balance. When I was very small like 4 or 5, I told my mom that I wanted to be a school teacher and work nights as a stripper. This was after I had watched a movie about Gypsy Rose Lee. Seemed like a good balance then too. I'm no longer stripper material so I guess this will have to do.

Eating Runts
Love those damn little fruity things. I hate that they added nasty ass raspberry though. I throw them away! Orange is my favorite then banana. I like to suck the little tiny bananas in and out my mouth in public and see who reacts.

Need to Dance
Tonight I need to hit the club. I need to sweat and grind. Lori and I go a few times a month to a place in the next state over. They like us because we're not afraid to make out on the dance floor. It's funny because after a few songs dancing together the closet bi's come out and we have a circle of girls dancing with us. And it does get nasty.

Anybody wanna come?
________________________________

I Need....

I need something. It's like having an itch right in the middle of your back that you
can't .......
quite ......
reach.
And you're alone. You rub against a door frame, stretch to touch it with a pen, wiggle and squirm but it's still there.

I try to meet the need head on, try to deny it's even there, then finally try to bring it to an end but I still
can't .......
quite ......
reach.

It's more than an orgasm. I can get there just fine alone, thankyouverymuch. What I need requires a partner. A certain touch that can make me scream and beg. Sweat dripping from my face and legs shaking.
_________________________________

Thank you

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."-- C.S. Lewis

Thank you everyone for the comments and the emails. I'm finding my peace.

I took advice and threw a temper tantrum yesterday. I think in some way I'm grieving the loss of this man while he's still with me. Denial, anger, fear and even some screaming at God. But I would not trade one minute of this to never have had him in my life at all. My reaction to his illness and decline has been a surprise to me. I've always been so sensible about these things. I just didn't see it coming.
________________________________

Feelin' A Wee Bit Hostile....

It's just one of those days
When ya don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked, everybody sucks.
You don't really know why
But you wanna justify rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away mother fucker!
It's just one of those days!

It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit lettin' shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit talkin' that shit

It's just one of those days
Feelin' like a freight train
First one to complain
Leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program
And if you're stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker!
It's just one of those days!

It's all about the he said she said bullshit.
I think you better quit lettin shit slip
Or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit talkin that shit, punk
So come and get it

I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance
Cuz right now I'm dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those motherfuckers, that want to step up

Thank You Limp Biskit well said!
_________________________________

The Straw...

I love the old man, my father in law, in a lot of ways he's more a father to me than my own dad. For 17 years he's been there for me, more for me that even his own son. Now I'm watching him die and it's ripping me to pieces. I know I'll be the strong one when the time comes. He's told me to look out for my mother in law. To make sure his sons don't fight over his things and make sure his "final arrangements" are carried out to his wishes. I know where he has money hidden and which things go to which person. He told me once that he wished I'd been his daughter.

He's talked about dying for years, quizzing me on things from time to time just to be sure I remember everything. It's different this time. He's scared and he's getting old before my eyes. I've teased him about being an old goat but in my eyes he never aged. Until now. He shakes and he's weak. It could be a month, it could be a few years but nothing will ever be the same again. I want him back the way he's supposed to be, the curmudgeon that has held us all together. I want to argue politics and religion with him.

I'm so angry! He's supposed to always be there damn it!

I'm so scared, he's supposed to always be there.
_________________________________

Cranio-rectal Extraction

Better known as "gettin' my head out my ass".

I'll be back to explain further in a few days.

Please pray, sent good thoughts, burn a candle or whatever according to your particular spiritual/personal beliefs.

Do women go through mid-life crisis?

From February 2005

2005-02-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

East Coast Thang?

At Least One Small Earthquake Shakes Maryland

No, I didn't feel it and I'm rather glad I'm far enough away to miss the excitement.

Hmm..California is soggy and flooded. Maryland is cold, wet and shaking.

Iowa is looking more tempting all the time, Theresa.
___________________________________

First Things First

Theresa asked...... What is the best compliment anyone ever gave you, and why?

My all time best compliments came from my kids. All three at different times have told me I'm a good mom to them. Not just in the suck-up kind of way teens can have but in a genuine way. The first came from the oldest who at the time was 16. He said I'm tough when he needs it and a friend when he needs that instead. I'm old enough to be wise and young enough to be cool. He said all that after I'd made him turn himself in to the local police for stealing and selling his brothers Adderal. I guess the why it's the best is self explanatory.

Should anyone ever wander on to this post in the future, I'll be glad to answer your question too.

____________________________________

Call Now - Lines Are Open

Yesterday Average Joe opened his blog to reader questions. He got some really good ones and gave well thought out answers. Joe also mentioned that he thought it would be interesting if other bloggers did the same. Well here it is ya'll, ask away.

Update Sorry it's taken me so long to get these answered. I had some family stuff going on that kept me away.

Chick asked...Name an unusual talent you have (& why you're good at it) Hmm.

I don't think I have any "unusual" talents. People tell me I have a gift for color. I have a lot of different kinds of creative outlets. I paint, quilt, sew etc. I always hear that I have a knack for putting colors together that invoke emotions.

Average Joe asked...Do you give money to transients (or bums, as we call them around here), or do you give them the "I don't see you treatment?"

It depends on where I am in the country. In my smallish town, I do. If I'm in a larger city I don't. A few weeks ago I was in a local convenience store and overheard a young couple talking. They were what most here would call Goth in a negative way, all in black, multi-piercings. He told her to take the last of the money to get herself some crackers, that she hadn't eaten all day. Neither of them looked stoned or drunk just poor and he was being so gentle with her it touched me. So I bought them dinner and gave then a little cash to get themselves breakfast. They said they were traveling through, hitchhiking back to their families in Baltimore. I don't know why but I believed them.

This town is so small that everyone knows the few bums by name and know that they are on the streets by choice. I don't help them with cash but I will buy them food when I have extra money. With most of them it's some type of mental disorder and they'll forget to eat.

Bent asked....What well-known person do you admire and why?
2nd part - What well-known person do you despise, and why?

I mostly don't admire the famous. In general I'd say that very few have ever done admirable things to get famous. Aside from Mother Teresa and those kinds of people of course.
If I had to pick one it would be Hillary Rodham Clinton. She has put up with a tug boat load of shit from a good ol' boy and never lost her individuality. Understand, I'm talking personality not politics.

Part 2. George W. Bush. Need I say more?
__________________________________

Really Bad Poetry

My love for you burns like the incinerator at the dump
I dream of the day that we can hump
My heart it races like the rats
When they are being chased by the cats.
You face is pretty, you smell so sweet
Just like wild flowers growing atop the heap
I want to lick your pussy,
Front to back
Until you’re juicy,
Like day old lettuce in a sack.
My cock it grows so hard
Like the yesterdays donuts from the Jiffy Mart.
My love for you, it flies
Like the pigeons in the skies

_______________________________________________

THE HORRIBLE LOVE POEM CONTEST

Theresa of 2HotChiks has issued a challenge to her readers. THE 2005 HORRIBLE LOVE POEM CONTEST has begun and I fully intend to do my worst.

Here are some thoughts to get you started....

ANALOGIES & METAPHORS FOUND IN HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS

~ Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

~ His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like socks in a dryer without Cling Free.

~ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

~ She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

~ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

~ Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

~ He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

~ The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

~ From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

~ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

~ The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

~ Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

~ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

~ He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

~ Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

~ The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

~ The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

~ He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

~ The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

~ He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

~ She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

~ It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
_____________________________

And Now We Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming....

So where do I go from here? I have ended things with DS. I can not continue to hurt either of us. I can not risk hurting anyone else. I have a family and a home that takes all of my time. I have children to finish raising. I must behave like an adult not a love struck teen. Yes, I'm trying to convince myself I've made the right choice. I can list the reasons, including a basic morality that until recently has been my rock. A son who tells me how glad he is that his parents are together when so many of his friends parents live apart. Another son that says he needs his father and me to help him step out on his own, that he can't make it without both of us. A daughter that would just not understand and may not be able to live on her own for many years. I chose to bring these children into the world, they are my responsibility.

Still, I can't bring myself to regret the feelings I've had the last few months.
_______________________________

From Amethyst

I put all my music in a Winamp play list and this is the first ten it played…….

The Random Ten:

1. Angela McCluskey – Long Live I
2. Billie Holiday – All of Me
3. Damien Rice – Volcano
4. Doobie Brothers – Drift Away
5. Eminem – Just Lose It
6. JaRule/Ashanti – Always on Time
7. Janis Joplin – Mercedes Benz
8. Nickelback – Figured You Out
9. Willie Nelson/LeeAnn Womack – Mendocino County Line
10. Enigma – Sadeness

What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

I have 1164 actual music files on the computer, but I burn off 100 or so every now and then to a data disk. I probably have another 600 there plus 200-300 CD’s.

The last CD you bought is:
Matchbox 20 – More Than You Think You Are and Miles Davis – Kind of Blue both bought on the same day. I rarely buy CD’s anymore unless it’s MB 20 (my favorite) or one of the few artists I know well enough to like all of their music. Mostly I download because my tastes are ecclectic and my moods hormonal.

What is the last song you listened to before this message:
Nelly/Tim McGraw – Over and Over

Write down five songs you listen to a lot or mean a lot to you:
Grant Lee Phillips – Wish I Knew
Stevie Nicks – Landslide
Deanna Carter – Strawberry Wine
Nina Simone – Feelin’ Good
Norah Jones – Come Away with Me
and the list goes on depending on the day and my mood

Who are you gonna pass this stick to? (three persons and why)
1. Average Joe because he's interesting and not what I expected from the surface.
2. Chick because music is telling and I'd like to know more about her
3. Bent because he's another MB20 fan.
_______________________________________________

WTF was that about?

Since I added the Yahoo thingie over there in the side bar, the one that tells readers I'm online and to message me if they want to, I've been talking to some nice people.

Then there have been these........

###########e (12:37:44 PM): your profile will not open for me...if you send me a link to it in an email at ????????@yahoo.com it will tho babe
me(12:40:17 PM): Sorry I'll be right with you. I'm at work and I need to take care of the people here.
###########e (12:40:34 PM): 10 4
me(12:42:02 PM): BTW do I know you?
me(12:42:08 PM): http://profiles.yahoo.com/----------
###########e (12:45:28 PM): darlin, the thing just wont open for me...do ya have some like firewall controls or something like that on here?
me(12:46:03 PM): no it should be online not through my computer.
###########e (12:46:35 PM): yes well thats so but the thing will not open...no matter what i try
###########e (12:47:03 PM): any ideas....
###########e (12:47:16 PM): or does it really matter to you darlin?
me(12:47:39 PM): lol i don't have any ideas. and honestly it don't much matter!
###########e (12:48:08 PM): if it does not matter...then splaneme plz y not...if u dont mind that is darlin
me(12:49:05 PM): there's nothing in my yahoo profile that isn't on my blog. I'm assuming that's how you found me.
###########e (12:49:17 PM): i reckon so
###########e (12:49:29 PM): got a pic of you i can see darlin?
me(12:51:18 PM): no. i don't publish pictures of myself right off the bat. I don't really want anyone to know who I am anyway.
###########e (12:51:45 PM): that aint nice hunn.
me(12:53:03 PM): you're funny! lol I'm not terribly concerned with nice when it comes to safety and privacy.
me(12:53:41 PM): I'm sorry I really don't mean to be rude.
###########e (12:53:58 PM): oh...just cum by it nacherly eh?
me(12:54:40 PM): absolutely. they say it's hereditary
###########e (12:54:49 PM): there is this custom among my people...tiz call courtesy....
###########e (12:55:08 PM): and it sez that when u add someone to your list you let em have a pic of u
me(12:55:46 PM): courtesy doesn't say I have to put my self at risk to be polite. It's not in my handbook anyway.
###########e (12:56:27 PM): then i will pray for you to see what is right....and what is friendly and what is courteous
###########e (12:56:31 PM): peace be with you
me(12:58:11 PM): I'll take all the prayer i can get even if it's misdirected. God Bless.
###########e (12:58:43 PM): learn courtesy.....He loves it and so do i

(The previous is completely unedited)

Sometimes it's just too easy to be a smart ass!

From January 2005

2005-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Over heard in a bar...

Two middle aged ladies sitting at the next table. I over heard one say to the other "My husband and I are into S&M. He sleeps and I masturbate!" I damn near spit my drink across the table.
____________________________________________

Wow!

Thursday evening was supposed to be a nice quiet even at home for me. Ron had to work, Eeny was out with his girlfriend, Meeny was quietly working on a craft project in her room and Fred was out with his friends. I settled at the computer to chat, something I don't get to do very often. All was going well until Eeny returned home early, in full gale force. No hurricane can ever match the erratic patterns of a 17 yr old. He's upset, needing to talk, so I naturally said good night to those online. I won't bore you with the details but it basically came down to a boy needing his mom. After some yelling on both our parts and some tears on his part, he finally admitted he still needed my help figuring things out! Oooo surprise! What about college, which one, what major and is moving in with the girlfriend after graduation REALLY a good idea?

About 5 minutes after I got him calmed down and worked out a few answers for him the phone rang. It's my mom, she doesn't feel "right" and wants me to come stay the night at her apartment. I asked a few questions and the only thing she'll say is that she thinks she might have had a stroke and doesn't want to be alone. (ACKK!) Out of my jammies and in to real clothes and out the door.

When I got to Mom's she was in bed and a neighbor had come to sit with her. She's not showing any signs of a stroke but it's obvious something isn't right. She is almost in tears and begs me to stay the night (I do) and promises to call the doc first thing the next morning (She does). I don't sleep all night, just listen in case she stops breathing, wondering if it's time for me to step up and take over.

Friday morning at the hospital an ER doc finally tells her that she will be dead in a few years if she doesn't lose weight. I know it's hard for her to hear but I'm so glad someone besides me finally said it to her. She's 400 pounds and it's got her whole body messed up. Low oxygen, electrolytes completely out of whack, high blood pressure, the whole works! We're trying to talk her into gastric bypass surgery. It's risky but dammit she's dying the way she is now.

It's Monday and I'm at work. It's gotten to the point coming here is the only peace I have.
_______________________________________________

Bored at Work

I stumbled on to this test while webwandering so I though I'd kill some time and take it. I'm surprised and a little disconcerted by the accuracy .

Color Quiz

Your Existing Situation
Active, but feels that insufficient progress or reward is being made for the effort exerted.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.
Clings to her belief that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to her choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment.
Circumstances are such that she feels forced to compromise for the time being if she is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation.

Your Desired Objective
Longs for a tender and sympathetic bond and for a situation of idealized harmony. Has an imperative need for tenderness and affection. Susceptible to anything esthetic.

Your Actual Problem
Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.
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A Thought

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don't mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, all that I am capable of doing but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.~ Anais Nin
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My 100 things

I really wasn’t planning on doing one of these but as I’ve read other lists I’ve been writing it in my head so here goes…

1. I am 34
2. I live in the same town in Maryland were I was born.
3. On the surface it seems to be a small backward community.
4. It really isn’t.
5. I’m 5’8”
6. My eyes are green and my hair is dark reddish brown…..with a couple silver streaks.
7. I am chunky/curvy.
8. My bras are 42 DD – the reason for the curves.
9. My mother is over 400 lbs and diabetic.
10. I am actively dieting because of it.
11. I hope to lose 25 - 30 lbs.
12. I love all kinds of music and have passed that love to my children.
13. I wore headphones on my tummy during the first pregnancy to pipe music into him.
14. He loves all kinds of music too.
15. I did not graduate high school.
16. I did get my equivalency diploma
17. With out ever taking the classes.
18. I think I am more intelligent then most of the people I know.
19. I’m also a little arrogant at times.
20. I have been on welfare before.
21. I have worried on a daily basis what I will feed my children.
22. I have gone with out food more than 3 days in a row to feed them.
23. I will never do that again.
24. I have lived without electric, heat and water.
25. I will never do that again either.
26. I have never had a driver’s license.
27. That is changing soon
28. I have had 7 women as lovers.
29. I have had 10 men as lovers.
30. I have learned something from each of them.
31. I prefer men but…
32. A woman can drive me to distraction.
33. I am only submissive with men.
34. I am sensual with women
35. I am shaved…there.
36. I shaved at first for my husband, now it’s for me.
37. I have a tattoo over my left breast of a dolphin.
38. I want more.
39. I also want my nipples pierced
40. My husband doesn’t like that
41. I don’t care.
42. I love Stephen King books.
43. I have them all.
44. I also love Anne Rice books
45. I only have a few.
46. I read a lot.
47. I have stayed up all night to finish a good book.
48. I am allergic to chocolate.
49. Also to most nuts, tomatoes and onions.
50. I have a condition called Interstitial Cystitis which causes me to be allergic to these things.
51. If I eat them in more then the tiniest bit it causes me pain.
52. I mostly avoid them.
53. I am supposed to wear glasses but I don’t because of vanity.
54. I hate contacts.
55. Hey! I’m more than half way there!
56. This hasn’t been as bad as I thought.
57. My first husband was an abusive alcoholic.
58. I left him when he threw my son across the room.
59. I was afraid of him for a long time
60. Until I broke his nose.
61. Now he flinches when he sees me
62. It is very empowering.
63. My current husband is an alcoholic.
64. He can be emotionally unavailable.
65. He also has cheated on me several times that I can prove.
66. I suspect several more.
67. I don’t have a great track record with relationships.
68. It makes me skittish.
69. I have had an emotional affair.
70. It’s was not revenge
71. He kept me sane.
72. It was never supposed to become an emotional thing.
73. Now it's over.
74. I love my job.
75. I work at a church as administration.
76. It’s the first office job I’ve ever had.
77. I will never work retail again.
78. I am looking for a new job.
79. I need to make more money than the church can afford to pay.
80. I am a member of this church.
81. I am a Christian but I mostly don’t like people who identify as Christians.
82. They scare me.
83. My favorite bumper sticker is “Jesus save me from your followers”
84. My family heritage is primarily American Indian and Irish.
85. The women have a reputation for their temper.
86. The men have a reputation for being constantly horny.
87. I got both traits.
88. I often masturbate several times a day.
89. My husband thinks I’m a freak.
90. I have participated in an orgy.
91. It was actually distracting.
92. I prefer no more then 4 people to the bed.
93. I would like to try double penetration.
94. I have been fucked by a woman wearing a strap on.
95. It had been a fantasy
96. It was very hot!
97. I love all deep colors, especially purple
98. I am a cat person
99. I was born in June
100. I am a true cancer female.

Listening to: Grant Lee Phillips – Lily-A Passion

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Happy New Year!

I've heard people talk about being alone in a crowd but I've never experienced it until Friday night. Ron and I went out for New Years with Bob and Lori to a local "male members only" club. One of those places with animal or tribal names where the ladies have an "auxiliary" and the men call each other brother. I sat at our table surrounded by friends. We all talked and drank. The band played and I danced to a few fast songs. . It made me sad watching the couples dance together. I've always heard that what you're doing when the new year begins is how the rest of your year will go.

From December 2004

2004-12-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Just what I wanted for Christmas...

a cold. This is one of those colds that leaves me on the verge of being really sick. So what I really am now is just irritatingly whiney. I can't sleep, when I eat I cough and then get sick and I hurt all over. I have a fever. My days have been ruined. My nights are so long. I finally got tired of laying on the couch and came to work. Please some one pity me......
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Feeling Fragile

I feel like most days I could shatter into a million little pieces if someone speaks to me in the wrong way. This has got to be some one else's life not mine. I want to run away from here.

I've gotten so tired of this dance. Pretending for all the world that Ron and I are this happily married thirty something middle class couple. I miss being loved. I remember what that was like to live with some one who wanted me passionately mind body and soul. He's hurt me too many times. I know he stopped loving me a long time ago. He told me so after the last girlfriend started calling again. He later said he didn't mean it but it was too late by then.
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Yup, That's Me

You scored as Chaotic Good. A Chaotic Good person is someone who has little intrinsic respect for laws or authority, seeing them as insufficient to sustain what's right. These people work according to their own moral compass which, while good, is not necessarily always aligned with that of society. Despite their chaotic tendancies, these people are good at heart.

Chaotic Good

80%

True Neutral

70%

Lawful Good

70%

Neutral Good

55%

Lawful Evil

35%

Neutral Evil

30%

Chaotic Neutral

25%

Chaotic Evil

20%

Lawful Neutral

20%

What is your Alignment?
created with QuizFarm.com

From November 2004

2004-11-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

The Scent of a Woman

It's the smell of her that lingers with me. The scent that fills the room when she cums. Even the next day I can smell it on my skin. When we are together I forget everything else, the men are on their own. I know they touch me but it's just a distraction. All I want is to curl between her legs, licking, tasting until she moans my name. Until I can make her swear aloud and then do it all again.

Listening to: Staind - It's Been Awhile
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My Latest Obsession

Grant Lee Phillips - Virginia Creeper

from Far End Of The Night

Heard my own beloved cry
I heard my one beloved moan
What's the use in all the ache we must endure
I had no good reason why

Time hangs like a noose
Before me
Time stills to a crawl
Grinds so slowly

This whole album is incredible but I have these words stuck in my mind today.
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A Month of Mondays

I'm a little tense. The car died yesterday, water pump and a blown head gasket. I've since discovered that it's a common occurrence for that year engine. Of course having them tell me that made me feel SO much better! Wish some one could have announced that little fact to me BEFORE I bought the piece of shit. Oh plus I'm taking Fred to an orthopedic surgeon today. He's messed up his knee playing soccer. The house, the car, the kid, I don't have much left to go wrong.

Listening to: Dixie Chicks - Cowboy, Take Me Away
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Time flies or something like that

Days go by, it seems like it's been a week since I was here last. So much going on. So much to think about.

On the home front we're having crisis, the morgage holder is proceeding with a foreclosure. At least her lawyer claims they are. We've hired a lawyer ourselves who thinks the woman is a nutcase. The morgage was set up privately with no banks or loan companies involved. At the time it seemed like a great idea. We didn't have to worry as much about our credit history, she got to pick the family she wanted in her childhood home. It went down hill. I painted and removed the carpet..she complained. I pay my home owners policy on a monthly basis...she complains. I don't pay my property taxes monthly...she complains. She calls because a neighbor called to say I left my garbage can in the drive way too long. I thought at one point this week I might actually be going crazy. Shaking hands, sick stomach, I thought I might either start crying or laughing and never be able to stop.

Listening to: Grant Lee Phillips - Calamity Jane
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I'm not political

Really! I don't follow those things. But it's 2AM. I can't sleep. 20 electoral votes, doesn't sound like much does it?
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Where the hell did October go?

Ok, so I'm not great about posting...going to have to work on that. Some one near and dear to me reminded me about this blog so it's time to get busy. You'll notice my favorite writers are listed down the side. Most have some level of BDSM in their lives, so yes you can assume that I have an interest in that direction. In fact that's what led me to find Shimmer and from there I found the rest of them. There are others that I read, but this is the base. The ones I admire, the ones that can bring me to tears and laughter. The ones that make me savagely jealous or make me sweat with unnamed desire. I hope that some day I will be half as good as they are.

And now the back-story;

I mentioned in my first post about the people who whine about their screwed up lives and can’t understand how they got there. Well, please don’t think I’m arrogant. My life is extremely screwed up, I’m just willing to accept I am the reason it is how it is.

Let me give you the basic players. My husband of many years, we’ll call him Ron, is a great guy. He’s very likable. I like him a lot. The problem is I’m not sure we're in love any more. My marriage feels more like roomies with occasional benefits. We have fun; he’s really good at that. I need way more.
We have three children. We’ll call them Eeny, Meeny and Fred. (Cause I don’t want no Mo’.) Eeny is 17, a senior in high school and is becoming an amazing man. He will be leaving home in the spring. Meeny is 15. She’s mildly handicapped though we expect she’ll be able to live on her own, work and generally have a productive life. She is a remarkable young lady and I’m going to tell more of her story in a later post. Then there’s Fred. He’s 2 months shy of 14. Fred is the child my mother wished on me and I love him for it.

Now here is where it starts to get weird. Meet Bob and Lori, they are our swing/swap couple. Yes, I’m bi. Not only do I enjoy them in bed, I spend a lot of other time with them as well. You’ll be seeing them from time to time.
Last but not least is DS. He knows about every one else. None of them know about him. It started as an escape. I am a submissive but Ron is not comfortable with that, he just doesn't have the drive that I have. I think that’s part of his reason for Bob and Lori, to try and keep me happy.
Several years ago I had a short-term cyber relationship with a dominant. At the time it became too much emotionally for me and I ended it. A few months ago I decided to go looking for another. I feel like there is something missing in my life. Foolish me, I though I could keep myself detached. I was very wrong. I met DS through Alt.com. He knows the words to say. He doesn’t cringe when I tell him my fantasies. He has added new ones. The more we talk, about everything, the more I want.

So where do I go from here?

Listening to: Damien Rice - Volcano

Well, Here I Am....

2004-10-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Seems like everyone and their third cousin twice removed has one of these things. So, here I am.

I've learned a lot about people over the last few months, just reading the blogs. There are some really good ones that I'll be mentioning as time allows. There's also some damn sick people blogging and quite a few very boring ones. Now don't get me wrong, by sick I don't mean the ones with kinks, fetishes and fascinating sexual practices. I have lots of those myself and will gladly talk about them in time. Hell, I've even learned a few new ones reading blogs.

Oops, back to topic.

By sick I mean those poor, sad souls who just don't understand how there lives got so screwed up. You know the ones, you've read them. At least as long as you could stand it, then ran away screaming. Those are the one I won't mention.

I'm not sure what I'll be talking about here but I promise to keep the BS to a minimum. What you get will be the painful truth. Even if it paints me in an unfavorable light.

Don't expect too many HTML tricks. I just don't have the time. I know that not everyone will like me or care to read me.

If you do happen to end up here in your travels, know that you're welcome

Howdy Ya'll I'm -------------

Listening to: Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin